Doesn't have quite the same ring to it does it? Ah well. Good news- I'm actually getting some words down, which is unlike me, so I'm taking advantage of the muse while She's here. Bad news- I'm missing out on some fantastic posts and I'm missing everyone! I do have an actually post idea in the works, but don't want to lose my focus, so instead I thought I'd give a little teaser on what I'm working on.
Side note: does anyone else feel that? If they are making progress (in any kind of art or project) you don't want to let your mind divert to something else in case it all falls apart?
A scene (in progress) from my work in progress, working title: "Finding Heaven".
The tiles were cool beneath me.
It was nice.
Everything was foggy. I could just make out the porcelain of the toilet. I could hear my breathing; shallow, and slow.
The CD player in the background was skipping the same part over and over, but I didn't care.
Suddenly it stopped.
'Nev?' Sadie's voice floated to me from some faraway place. I tried to say 'I'm in here,' but all that came out was a hoarse soft croak.
My throat hurt.
'Nev!' her voice was right over me now. I tried to see her but she wasn't in my line of vision and I couldn't make my head move.
'Holy shit! Nev!' her hands were on me, I felt two fingers on my wrist. Her touch felt like flames to me.
Her hand brushed the side of my face, pushing hair out of my eyes. Everything was blurry but I tried to focus.
I still couldn't see her.
'What have you done?' her voice was frantic.
I wanted to cry. Why does she even care about me? I don't deserve it.
I closed my eyes and begged to be taken.
Her hands were pulling at my arms and chest; trying to move me onto my side I think. I saw flashes of the world from under my heavy lids.
My mind couldn't recognise anything; mostly I just saw the blackness. For a moment I feared I was going blind; a heinous twist of fate, as I would be left alone with the images of my mind- the very things I wanted to hide from.
Die from, just so I wouldn't be left alone with them again.
I definitely have a fear of being distracted! And your sample is awesome. Seriously, it is definitely a hook and it leaves the reader wanting more. Great scene! I especially love the last part about wanting to hide from the mind. The only suggestion I have is to maybe incorporate a smell in there. The entire piece is filled with such great sensory detail that I think that might add to it?
ReplyDeleteHi Saumya! Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you like it :) Thanks for the suggestion too- I hadn't thought of the smell, but you're right- the right detail would complement the rest of the scene, excellent point there! cheers, ali :)
ReplyDeleteI have the same fear. That`s why most of the time I write for 4 hours in a row. I know, not good!
ReplyDeleteAnd what a great scene, very strong!
I love this teaser! I can't believe I missed you posting it - lucky I checked your blog. :)
ReplyDeleteThe despair, the pain, oh I just adore characters in peril. It's definitely an "I-want-more-NOW" type scene. :) I'm glad you posted this.
xx a
Thanks clara! It's not quite finished yet but I liked it and wanted to share.
ReplyDeletehehe thanks amber!