Does anyone else find they are missing a bit of this?
Do you see it in yourself sometimes that you are not be true to yourself?
I do.
Right now actually.
I find it a struggle to be honest with myself. Bit of a flaw actually. Like I can feel this niggling doubt or something in myself, like fear.
Fear is awful.
I hate fear. Damn you fear!
What am I afraid of? Hmmm...
Failure for one.
You know how people say that the flaws you hate about yourself (but won't admit to usually) are the ones you hate in others? Probably has something to do with attraction- that we are attracted to that which we do not possess, therefore it makes sense that we dislike in others what is a reflection of ourselves.
I do this. Weakness and self doubt. I do it. Ugh. I hate that I am saying it. I try not to let myself feel it, but it's there. I should probably be tackling it.
I have only recently be letting myself explore a part of myself, the part that knows I'm supposed to be doing more than sitting in an office cubicle staring at numbers, that part that has been hiding in me since I was a child.
My creative self.
I'm no artist, not with paints, or brushes, or a camera, nor with fabric or graphics.
I like to write, most of you know this. I have been letting my heart out onto paper (and screen) for a while now. The other part of me wants to perform. Yes, like an actor. Why is it so hard for me to say it?
You know what I love about writing and acting, well about any of the arts- the way it communicates to people. It connects; the arts take people away from reality and let them experience things outside of their own world. Whether it be a look into the future or the past, into the heart and soul, into the mythological and hereafter. Helping people Feel.
It's honest.
If I want to be apart of that, I have to be honest with myself first. If I'm not true to myself, how can I ever expect to bring the truth to anyone else?
I know exactly what you mean. Both with the writing and the acting. I love both, but people tend to have so many issues with it that I tend to want to keep it to myself.
ReplyDeleteWhich is exactly why I don't.
Fear takes over everything if left unchecked. The only way to prevent to keep it from gaining control is to see it in front of you and moving right through it.
I make facing fear a lifestyle, otherwise it would feel wrong for me to write about people who have to face fear and win.
Remember, there is no courage if there is no fear. Fear is what make courage possible.
It's all about which choice you make. Do you cower in the corner if fear lifts its head? Or do you look fear in the eye and do what scares you anyway?
:-)
This is a time when many of us self reflect. Your sincerity is a refreshing change, though I find self reflection daunting for I know I will not like all that is to be discovered. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful and honest post. I think asking these kinds of questions -- and finding the answers inside your heart -- are what make us evolve as people and as artists/writers. Never stop asking!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the Twitter follow. I look forward to reading more from you here, too. Feel welcome chez moi as well: One Significant Moment at a Time
Happy New Year!
@Misha- Thank-you for your comment! It's good to know others feel as I do, and it is people like you who inspire me to grow and stand up to... well myself really! "Remember, there is no courage if there is no fear. Fear is what make courage possible." These words will stay with me, so Thank-you :)
ReplyDelete@Nomar Knight- I feel self-reflection very daunting also, i guess that is part of the fear I was talking about: I fear what I will find within myself, but feel i cannot grow into the person I believe I am supposed to be without it. Thanks for reading and commenting :)
@Nicole- Thanks for the follow both here and on twitter, i will be checking out your blog for sure!
Thanks for stopping by, I'm glad you liked the post. My blog has kind of been my first steps towards being more honest with myself, and I find the comments I receive from people like you guys helps me to believe I am walking the right path, your words let me know I'm speaking honestly and it warms me to find the support you all provide.
Happy new year to you too!
You should do what you love, and to the hell with what others think. You're not harming anyone, you're exploring two beautiful art forms. Kudos for you!
ReplyDeletei think 2011 will bring you closer to your true self
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful and honest post.
ReplyDeleteI do know what you mean. I also have an artist inside of me. I don't like to tell people I'm writing. I suppose it's a confidence, self belief thing for me. Also I'm fiercely privat Definately something I need to work on.
Great blog by the way.
Thanks for the support Clara, starcake and Hayley :) Always lifts my spirits!
ReplyDelete