Just me and my words

Start again. The WIP take two.

2011-12-30T16:58:00.000-08:00

When something doesn't seem to be working I usually just stop doing it. Whatever it is. If it seems too hard or I become blocked, or if I'm losing control or it seems like I will fail at it, I run away.

I blame things. Instead of having a look at why it's not working. I just run away.

I'm guessing this is not really healthy, not really the way I should be travelling. I am going to be running forever.

Perhaps I need to reassess WHY something is not going the way I envisioned. Life is not predictable, and the way we move through it is no more easy to predict than... well, where it will end up. It is also hard to work out if life is going the way I expected when I haven't set myself goals to measure it by. I always thought I would do something great, something of importance, even if that importance is only to myself, and I feel like I'm failing but I haven't given myself a real dream to guide myself with.

I think I'm getting sidetracked here (surprise surprise). The past few months have been a time of reflection and revelation, but only in spurts. Only when I allow myself to look hard at myself instead of distracting myself with frivolity and company. Spending time alone allows one to really let in the thoughts and feelings in their heart and contemplate them.

Perhaps it is time to start again. But not something new, to reassess the old. Instead of jumping to something new without contemplating the past and understanding why it didn't work. The way I am starting to see things is that I will never succeed if I don't learn from my mistakes. Well that is certainly a cliche, but cliche's were born of innate truth. Something so common and true that it applies to almost everyone.

I need to stop running and jumping, and go back and face those demons. My failures. It is better to fail at something than succeed at nothing they say, but I feel that I have been failing at nothing because nothing gets finished.

One way I have decided to do this is to finally after a year of procrastination, go back to my old manuscript. I got half way, felt a block and stopped. I have updated all my old software, and reopened the old work. But I have also decided to open up a blank new page and recreate it. It is going to take time yes, but instead of scrapping the whole thing, I'm going to take a new approach. Rework it. I love the ideas in it, I love the story but it needs a fresh new take. I think I am even going to rewrite the whole thing from a different POV.

I'm going to learn from my mistakes, I'm going to try again, I have hope that I can make it. So I am going to add a new counter to my blog, the "Work in progress - take two."

Wish me luck :)

P.S Happy New Year!

Rozknob Cellar - A blog recommendation

2011-09-26T16:57:00.000-07:00

When someone you know very well, who you respect, love with all your heart and who you admire with shining shameless awe, creates something amazing and is finally recognised for their talent, your soul bursts with joy for them.

I have one such friend.

Roz.

This woman is...inspiring.

Her and her partner in crime Yakko, are both wonderful artists. I have known Roz for almost 9 years and have marvelled at her creative talent since the beginning. I would watch her draw or paint, see the results of the colours in her mind and be struck with that lovely feeling when you are around someone like that, who can take any seemingly unimportant object around them, or whatever they see in their head and create something beautiful.

I have been touched by the beauty she finds around her, her ability to make something unique. The gifts she has given me by introducing me to soulful sounds and original thinking. She helped me find an appreciation for things that I would perhaps have at first dismissed because I didn't understand it, and showed me the way to looking past the barriers in my mind to see what lies beneath. I found I could see the devotion and heart that people put into their artistic endeavours. Whether I liked the end result or not didn't actually seem to be the point, it is how it moves me, it is a way of viewing the world, with eyes that are unjudging and accepting, eyes that can find the hope, fear, pain, joy, love, loss, ache, passion, beauty, truth....in a single breath and be thankful someone gave it life.

Sometimes when those around us do well, some people have a tendency to become the scathing green-eyed monster. For me though, the success of my dear friend only proves to inspire me more. I feel blessed to have someone in my life who is honest, truthful, joyous, someone who has that light inside that propels you to her, she doesn't even know she has it.

Getting to the point, Roz and Yakko have a blog, the link to which is HERE, which is just a snippet of who they are. Easy to navigate, humorous, honest and inspiring, I hope you enjoy Rozknob Cellar, and even if you're...not quite sure... I hope you can open up to a new world and appreciate the passion they put into their work, with everything they have.

I hope you can find a little inspiration in your day to remind you that you can create anything you desire, pick up that pen, get out that sketchpad, take the lens off and find the beauty around you.

Do any of you have someone in your life that you admire and who inspires you to be the best you can be?

So what's new with you?

2011-08-24T15:41:00.000-07:00

So here is what's new... You may or may not have noticed my last name before, and you may now notice it's gone back... back to my maiden name. My husband and a separated a few weeks ago and I moved out of our home to live with a housemate, so that has been a big life change for me. I will quickly mention that I am doing well, my now ex is doing okay, we communicate regularly and have accepted that we let each other down in many ways, and are trying to at least salvage a tentative friendship out of this whole mess (I actually think that we were never really friends and this may have been a contributing factor in our failing).

Needless to say my emotional state has been in turmoil for some time. Not just during these last few weeks of the separation but for a long time before as I felt our relationship deteriorating but didn't want to believe it.

Lying to myself I think I was. I think this has seeped into other areas of myself - my writing has definitely felt the imbalance in my life. For a long time now, months actually, well nearly a year, I have been blocked from working on my WIP. Suddenly I felt that I wasn't being true to the story and that my characters were fake and without true emotion.

I spent some time earlier in the year taking acting classes trying to uncover the block. I reasoned that the same part of myself that is invested in my written characters would be similar - if not the same part - that would bring a character to life. The being honest with yourself part, where you do not lie to yourself, or dupe yourself into believing something about yourself is true even though really, it is a lie. Scary bloody thing acting. It took some time but eventually I started becoming more true to myself, not caring how others may perceive me. I openly admitted my fear of being laughed at and being thought a fool of. My tendency to feel the need to make people laugh (so that they were not laughing AT me of course) started to fall away a little as I accepted who I was and started believing in what I was doing and forgetting that anyone was even there watching me, I was no longer trying to "act", it was real.

With these journey's of self discovery comes an opening of emotional flood gates, realisations that not all is well in your perfect world. Over the past few years every now and then I would be overcome with a feeling that things weren't going the way I thought they would, I would have a little meltdown, my husband would hug me and tell me everything would be okay, that things would get better, I believed him - he seemed so sure, I think either he did believe it, or he thought he had to believe it because the truth was so much harder to deal with.

But once those flood gates opened, I tried harder to get through to him. There was an ache in my chest and that sickening knot just under the surface, that black hole that whispered in the dark... something bad is coming.
Eventually the horrifying climax came, and I walked away. Actually I cried away, but you get the picture.
Now we both acknowledge the troubles we had. Of which there were many. We cannot go back from here, there is only moving forward. Who knows what may happen in the future - I don't like to rule anything out. I thought I would be with the man I married, so no, I don't rule anything out.

Once thing that has come out of this (there are many but here is one), is that my writing was in itself a sign of the imbalance in my heart. I couldn't free myself to feel. I couldn't lose myself in the characters and their lives and their hearts because they have to have real feeling and emotions, and if I couldn't be true to myself I was never going to be able to do that with my story. A part of myself is ingrained within every page, every word, every moment, every touch, kiss and confrontation - even the lies out of the characters mouths must be true reflections of themselves, and for this I need to know who I am. If I am not being honest, my writing won't be either.

He is a good man, and will be always be apart of me, but now we have set each other free.

Since then I have been trying to pick up a pen and paper and write. Not a story, but more like a journal. The truth and nothing but the truth. I noticed at first I was mostly telling my life as a skimming the froth story, I was still not being honest about how I FELT and they are MY FEELINGS! Shouldn't I know? Shouldn't I be able to write them down? So I started to try to write what was really going on in my heart. Slowly, day by day, I feel more real. I write more real. I will keep writing about myself and my life, uncovering my heart and baring my soul, one day I will be able to get back to the stories I love so much.

I hope this today helps me too :)

Thanks as always for listening, hope you are all doing well and I've missed you!

P.s I was actually just going to put some nice quotes I'd heard recently in this post but look what happened! Pretty spectacular - I love writing :)

What came into my head...

2011-06-24T02:43:00.000-07:00

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I have had trouble finishing my first WIP because I keep having ideas about another project. Every now and then something will just come into my head that I feel is coming from another place, it has a different vibe than the last WIP, do you know what I mean?

That happened this morning, something I heard yesterday stuck in my head and I woke up with this crazy desire to get it out on paper, so many words, so many thoughts in my head, I just had to get it down.

And here is what happened...

Some things are better left unsaid. Or so they say. I'm undecided. If today was my last day, would I know that I have told everyone that I care about how I feel? Would I have told those who make me smile that their smile brings sunshine to my soul, that I feel safe in their embrace and knowing them makes me a better person. That they are kind and beautiful, that I am blessed to have them in my life, that I care for them deeply and probably always will.

Do I need to say this? Don't they know already? Is it better, me telling them... or worse?

Even if I don't though, tell them I mean, I will still feel the same. That won't change.

Either way, nothing will change. It can't.

What have I left unsaid? After all that, what else can I say? That I would hate to not have them in my life, that the idea of it - of not seeing them - everyday makes me feel sick. Do they need to know? Now I need to tell them that I wish things were different.

If even I don't tell them, even I don't say it, I have to live with it.

Sad but true. Something else people say. Do they mention it's also painful? Usually when you say sad, pain is running somewhere just beneath the surface. Hovering ready to strike and render you useless. Have you ever felt that pain seeping sneakily out of your heart? It creeps into your muscles and makes you tired - your shoulders sag and your legs feel the pull to curl up under you.

It creeps into your face, makes your eyes watery, creases your brow and your lips curl downwards. Those eyes that water, they become filled in their core with an ache that everyone can see, whether you want them to or not. This is what can happen when things go left unsaid.

Maybe something that I say to them, might hurt them, even by accident, like it hurt when he told me it's for the best. It didn't want to hear it. I know it's true, but it still hurts. Perhaps in the end, some things are better left unsaid.

Afterlife??? What about this life?

2011-05-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Weheartit.com

On yahoo's homepage today there is a link to a story about Stephen Hawking saying there is no afterlife.

Statements like this always make me think.

The afterlife means many things to many people and is believed for a whole different range of reasons.

Say you are a person who believes that when you finish with this life you go to a place where souls gather, you reunite with your family and loved ones, then proceed to spend eternity (which is a really, really long time) doing your favourite activity while eating and drinking your favourite things (writing longhand, listening to music or watching current fav TV series, while eating popcorn and drinking red wine [yes I'm a highly developed being]).

So you are okay with whatever happens in this life because you believe that what is waiting for you is going to leave you in state of peace and contentment for all time.

Now that is taken away from you.

There is no afterlife.

The real question now comes out-

What about this life?

Are you doing everything you hoped you would in this life?

Regardless of whether there is an afterlife or not, shouldn't we all be concerned with what is actually happening in the life we have? This one life, never to be repeated (do you think much new stuff would happen in the afterlife as it may just be a projection of what you know, ie: if I never go to New York during life, will I get to see it in the afterlife... but that is an ENTIRELY different conversation), this one life, are you being true to yourself?

Are you living the life you thought you would? And if not, what did you think would be different? Are you going to do anything about it now? Can you do anything to change the path?

If you have one life, you can never come back, and when you're done that's the end of the line, are you living true?

Is your life an honest, true reflection of everything you hold dear in your heart?

You brighten my day

2011-05-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

Isn't that a lovely saying? Every now and then I will say it to someone or someone will say it to me, and it's just so nice. Especially when you know it's genuine- when the person telling you really is happier just because you came along.

It's like a smile- infectious and soul-warming. When you see someone, your eyes meet and they smile, and you smile, and the day just got better.

It's a great feeling!

We should embrace these little things that makes us feel the light inside, and embrace the people in our lives who warm us up.

Today, reach out to those around you and brighten someones day - it will probably brighten yours too!

Much love xxx

Plot Revelation

2011-05-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

Image "Ever so Sweet" JohaGil from Weheartit.com

I haven't written much on my WIP in some time now. Or anything for some time. A very long time actually. However every now and then when I least expect it, I will be thinking about the WIP for whatever reason and *POOF* an epiphany!

One such epiphany occurred last night- I was driving home in heinous traffic and for once I was just letting the CD's pick themselves and was listening to whatever came on. Angus and Julia Stone. At first I was singing along, though soon I was letting my mind wander and I started contemplating the first chapter. There was always something I didn't like about it. Then... *POOF*

Holy Bejaysus! Half the first chapter is completely IMPLAUSIBLE! GAH!

No WONDER I can't stand the bloody thing! The introduction of the main character to her mother and their interactions make no sense under the circumstance. How could I have missed this? Suddenly I realised that once I do a re-write, the chapter will be so much better set up for following interactions with the mother, and also cement some inner-conflict with the MC. I also got a little bummed as my other realisation was that after a zillion edits of the chapter this had NEVER occurred to me (HOW I have NO IDEA!) and that I really do have to get into this re-write.

I am happy that I have finally found the problem with the chapter, I just wish it had come to me a little sooner. Hopefully motivation will follow this revelation. And I hope I will finish the WIP in this calendar year. That would be a plus.

Has this happened to you? A scene you have read and edited over and over suddenly just reveals that it is completely ridiculous and unbelievable? Did it propel you into action or weigh you down?

Have a great day!

One Year Anniversary and Amazon $$$ Winners!

2011-05-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

Of course I am three days late to my own blogs one year birthday! Thank goodness for Australia's love of public holidays or this would never get written!

The past year has gone so fast, and also seems like much longer at the same time. I have met some amazing people, read some great advice, learnt a lot, gotten a lot of encouragement and cyber hugs (which warm my heart just as much as real ones!) and I can't wait to see what the next year brings!

Thanks so much to everyone who has ever read my blog, or commented- you are what makes the blogosphere awesome!

Now for the winners!!!

3rd place, the winner of a $20 Amazon gift card is ... NOMES!

2nd place, the winner of a $30 Amazon gift card is ... L'AUSSIE!

1st place, the winner of a $50 Amazon gift card is ... LISA RICARD CLARO!

YAY! As soon as this is posted, I'm off to congratulate the winners!

Thanks so much Jess, Katie, and Marynellie for jumping in too.

I am a little bummed about the lack of entrants, but I know that I haven't been as committed to the blog lately as I have in the past and as I should be, and we all you that you only get out what you put in (or so says the "nutri-grain" ad). So this has just inspired me to reconnect with everyone who has been with me this past year, and reconnect with the part of myself that loves to write and loves to blog and hopefully you'll see more of me!

Much love,
Miss Ali xxx

The music the words make

2011-04-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

I was searching recently for some writing quotes, to inspire both myself and my cousin Belinda, who is also a writer (closeted for the time being, but hopefully she will emerge soon- Hi Belinda!) and did stumble across some that spoke to me. One of the most beautiful was this:

To me, the greatest pleasure in writing is not what it's about, but the music the words make.
~Truman Capote.

I just thought; how lovely is that? And true! How nice it is sometimes, not just as a writer but as a reader, to hear the words roll off the tongue. Even reading them in your head, the flow is like a melody.

Words can create not only a story, and images but also music, and isn't that something.

Enjoy your day, and if you haven't already. drop down to by post below (link here) - Today is the final day to enter my Amazon $$$ giveaway to celebrate my one year blogging anniversary.

"I LIVE HERE" awareness journey, PART 2.

2011-04-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

There are moments in my life when I realise that
a) I know nothing, and
b) I was born into one the most privileged countries in the world.

The former is a flaw I seek to rectify. The latter is either a product of pure luck or fate.

This chance or destiny, gave me a life of peace, hope, opportunity, safety, freedom and I’m starting to believe – responsibility; responsibility to my fellow mankind who through no fault of their own were born into a place of war. Their fortune is one of injustice, pain, confinement and death. They have fallen down the rabbit hole, not into a wonderland, but a dim pit of despair, forced to live the consequences of someone else’s fight, someone else’s hate.

What can I do? My first step is to listen.

“I live here” tell their stories…

Ingushetia…

…The first collection of stories of four chapters in the “I live here” anthology. From the moment I crack open the first page, I am confronted with a strange vibrancy; a collage of fiery reds, white lace, silent tears, sad eyes and broken hearts. I flip the pages, flicking from the end back to the start. Half the book is made up of stories told in a black and white comic-strip, although one glance at the fine lines and intricate details tells me this is not a comedy- it is a graphic novella, “graphic” being the operative word. As I continue to flick the pages, the first half throws the colour of torment and bold truth in my face. Am I ready for this?

Ingushetia, the place where refugees of Chechnya flee to, where in leaking tents and abandoned factories, thousands of people like you and me rest their weary bodies in clothes they wore yesterday and the day before, because that is all they fled with- the clothes on their backs, and if they were lucky, each other.

Places of so little apparent significance that my google maps can’t locate them. A part of the Russian Federation, in a war I have known nothing about until now.

This isn’t even old news- It is happening now. The most recent problems in Chechnya’s long tormented history began in the 1990’s. Two decades ago- this is nothing really in scope of history, and it is not over. From my understanding (which may be wrong, as I may not fully understand) like most causes of war: either religion or power, power started this battle. And, also like most wars, it is the people on the ground who just want to kiss their children goodnight, snuggle their partners in bed, wake up to a shower and clean clothes and go about their lives that suffer, that are raped, tortured, murdered, forced to abandon their homes and live in destitution, to watch their families die.

I am reminded of the saying: "If a tree falls in the forest, and no-one sees it fall, does it still make a sound?"
People are falling. Just because we can't hear them, doesn't mean it isn't happening. And even if we close our eyes, close the book, close our minds, and step away from the forest- it's not going to stop them from falling.

Some journalists were chasing the story in Grozny, because that is where the action is- the bombs that are going off, and guns that ring out in the night, the explosions and charred buildings. In Ingushetia the story is in each person- the bombs that killed their children, the guns that shot their mothers, the soldiers that took their fathers, the charred buildings that they used to call home.

Before reading a word, I could sense the weight of the book, not in my hands, but in my soul. It took me much longer than it should have to read. The writing itself is beautiful- bare, bold, truthful; almost to the point of discomfort, which is perhaps why it took me so long.

Everybody is somebody to someone; someone’s mother, someone’s father, someone’s sister or brother, someone’s lover.

I am being told the stories of loved ones. The someones who could easily be my own if I was given a different fate, if I were born in a different place. Not even a different time, just a different place. It could easily have happened. At 26 years old, this is my generation.

I think that was the most startling revelation to me, was that this is not some war I’m reading about in a text book or seeing on a video of something from the 1700’s. How could this be happening in today’s society? While the rest of us sip our caramel latte’s, tapping away on our iPhones using the free McDonald’s Wi-Fi on our way to work in our big buildings with electricity, gas and crystal clear running water… How?

I will never know, even if someone explained it to me, it could never make sense, it is one planet with different worlds and no explanation will ever make that okay. I guess the only thing I can really say is that now that I know, what am I going to do about it?

I slip the book titled “Ingushetia” back into its sleeve, the first chapter of “I live here”, and I wonder: can I read the rest? Can I open my eyes and heart again to this? If this was just book one, what am I going to find in the others? More of the same, all around the world, today; the sheer scale is overwhelming. This is not history:
this is history in the making,
and not the kind humanity should be proud of. This is no achievement; this is our greatest failure as a race. With all the advancements and privileges of our world, how can this be?

Can we really change it? I wish I had more optimism.

The “I live here” projects have faith; I must try to tap into that, and in the words of Australian Ambassador Mikarla Teague: Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something.

Do something with me. As the saying goes, maybe together we can make a difference.

For more information on “I live here”, the work that they do, their current project and how you can become involved, please visit their website or facebook page.

Please stay tuned as I continue on my journey, my first action has been to listen to the stories and share them with you, and I in turn thank-you for listening to me.

CONTEST - ONE YEAR OLD IN 24 DAYS!!!

2011-04-03T21:43:00.000-07:00

WOW! A year has flown by! I knew my one year anniversary was coming up but I didn't realise it was this month! Oh My!

How to celebrate? Well, I have never done a contest so I thought that would be a perfect way.

I don't really want to judge anybody on anything; I'm no good at that, so I think that I would like to have lovely followers participate and then randomly pick names out of a hat.

Sound good?

Well I guess you can't really be sure until I layout the terms and prizes.

Terms:
1) you must be a follower
2) you must either post link about the blog on twitter or on your own blog (and let me know which one it is)
3) post the fact you would like to be a participant below in the comments and also give me any one of the following (or all if you like!)
    a) the best piece of writing advice you have ever heard (or advice in general)
    b) your favourite quote or saying
    c) your favourite thing about the blogosphere

Prizes:
3rd prize: $20 Amazon gift card
2nd prize: $30 Amazon gift card
1st prize: $50 Amazon gift card

(I will be purchasing in AUD, so hopefully the dollar is good to you that day)

Contest Opens: NOW!
Contest Closes: Midnight April 27th Australian Eastern Standard Time (GMT +10hrs) (click here to convert to your own time)
Winners will be drawn and notified: Thursday, 28th April. I will also post everything on the blog that day as part of my celebration! Please ensure I can contact you via blog, email or twitter.

I wasn't sure how I could go about running a contest/competition type thing, I have seen some pretty spectacular ones, but really I would just like to celebrate what an AMAZING year it has been! Honestly it feels like much longer in a really good way!

I have learnt so much and met so many cool people all around the world, that I would like to show a little appreciation for you all, and for this wonderful community of writers and supporters who have welcomed me with open arms and really helped me become a more confident and calm writer. I have been blown away by the support of others and the growing knowledge that most of the fears I have: we all have, and most of the crazy crap I feel: we all feel.

So come one, come all, new and old, spread the word and let me know a little bit more about you!

Come and celebrate my one year anniversary with me!!!

Writing Assignments - Finished my Course!

2011-03-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Everyone!

My last post was about a several-part journey, discovering the stories of the "I live here" projects. I have not forgotten about ILH, but I had some assignments to do. Sometime a year or so ago, I started an correspondance creative writing course- which is not nationally accredited but I will get a certificate of completion.This course was due to finish last Wednesday, and I had to have all assignments due by that day.

I submitted the last four assignments by 11pm Wednesday night. I'd been working on them but hadn't realised how soon they had to be in!

This morning I got my grades. I got 4 HD's. YAY! For anyone who does not understand Aussie grading systems, this means I got 4 High Distinctions, the highest grade I can get! SQUEEEEEE!

Very, very happy. All done! The course is finished and overall I got one Credit (pass, C), one Distinction (good, B) and six High Distinctions (A!). Yay! I hope I don't go on too much, but I'm just really happy about this. I have finished something I cared about and I did well, I'm kinda proud :)

I did actually want to share something with you. One of the assignments was poetry writing. Now I don't know much about poetry, I haven't really done any since high school, and didn't think of myself as much of a poet. The task was to write a poem and submit the first draft and final draft. Well it was to submit all drafts I think, but I only gave the first and last. I don't know if it's actually any good, but my tutor liked it, and I actually do like it. It's kind of suggestive and intimate. I thought I would share it with you.

Oh it doesn't have a name yet. Hmmm, I think I will pick a working title...

Taste of Salt

A song through the night
I am at your side
A touch lighter than air
In caress I bloom
In bloom I blush
A taste of salt
I melt into darkness
In warmth I shiver
A breath in low tones
In silence I lay
I feel your smile
A moment in time
In my heart forever

So that is my poem, what do you think? Be honest, I can handle it, I need to learn :)

I hope you are all having wonderful day and I will be back in the next few days for part 2 of the ILH discovery.

Much love!

"I LIVE HERE" awareness journey, Part 1.

2011-02-25T15:38:00.000-08:00

I first introduced you guys to 'I live here' back in July 2010, when two close friends of mine joined together with two of their close friends and as ambassadors for 'I live here' in Australia, hosted the first Aussie fundraiser for the foundation in the form of an absolutely kick-arse themed event, complete with a fashion show, raffles, local art and photography and performances by home grown talents. For a refresh on the first post please click HERE.

From the beginning, my posts about this organisation have never been about pushing readers to donate or any such door-knocking-telemarketer rubbish, but about raising awareness for them. I fell in love with the passion my friends had for the project and with the kindness, boldness and commitment of the 'I live here' team.

This is me. I live here.

Australian ambassador Mikarla Teague is not only passionate about the project, but is also a kind-hearted woman, dear friend and beautiful artist. She wanted to do something different and unique to bring awareness to this foundation she loves so much. Mickey decided to create facebook page "A picture tells a thousand words; globally united for I live here". Her goal is to create awareness through individual expression in photographs. It is simple and brilliant! Take a photo of yourself, holding up a piece of paper that has the words 'I live here' written on them and simply post on the facebook page. I love it!

"Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something."

Thank-you Mickey, those words are forever in my mind.

Mikarla also took the time to send me a copy of the 'I live here' book. Book is almost blasphemy. I feel that I may be smite-ted for referring to this piece of art as a "book", slandering it so perversely.

The day I received my package from Mickey, I was struck my the size of the bloody thing! I'm thinking 'I thought she said it was a book?' This was nothing compared to what I found inside. Wrapped in a crimson bow was the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on. It has it's own aura. I could feel the love and time and care its creators had put into its being. I felt I should be listening to Bach while I carried it to my room. I needed peace and privacy before I opened it.

The front and back covers unfolded to reveal four collections of work from four places where 'I live here' dedicate their time. I read the blurbs and knew that I wanted to do this right. I knew I wanted to tell you all about this, but I wanted to take the time and care that everyone involved with 'I live here' puts in everyday. Because it deserves that kind of attention. Mia Kirshner, Paul Shoebridge, Michael Simons, J.B Mackinon; they deserve it.

So! My resolution is to bring you my discoveries in parts. I don't want to ramble and hope my posts will not be bigger than the works themselves (I make no promises), but I would like to read, reflect and relate the effect they had on me.

While I take my time to ensure that my experience is shared with love and clarity, I encourage everyone to check out 'I live here's facebook page, my previous post on 'I live here', and Mickey Teague's photographically uniting endeavour facebook page, and I challenge you to think about a foundation that speaks to you, tell us about it, let us see your passion! I don't think it matters who you are raising awareness for- positive thoughts for one creates positive thoughts for all.

Please stay tuned for PART 2 of my 'I live here' awareness journey, and wherever you are, whatever you do, remember that in your own way, you can make a difference.

OH THE DRAMA!!!!

2011-02-11T04:09:00.000-08:00

You know what I've been watching? Party of five. Yes it's true. Party of five. From 1995. Actually I'm up to season two now so it's 1996. You know how old I was then? 12. The same age as "Claudia". So not my point.

I have this habit of finding a TV series (I believe I have mentioned this before) and getting obsessed with it. Not just watch the whole series from beginning to end obsessed, I mean watch the whole series three times through before I move on obsessed. Like rope other people into watching it obsessed. I mean so obsessed I don't even want to confess as you will stop reading and never visit me again! The latest (before P.O.F, as I will affectionately abbreviate it to) was Supernatural, of which I have watched three times through, including most special features, every blooper several times (as who could not tell me that the bloopers are almost the best part and any show that leaves you without bloopers leaves you feeling depressed and totally jibbed!!!!), and the current episodes I watch on the internet (I'm not saying where! I live in Australia, they don't show it here and have an Addiction to support!)

So I finally decided I needed a break from Supernatural and luckily I got a friend at work hooked so I lent her all my DVD's, which meant I needed a new series.

Enter P.O.F.

I don't know how I thought of it, but I was running an errand for work and for some reason the show popped in my head. Since that day (about a week ago) I've been hooked. And I'm serious - I'm hooked. And you know why? THE DRAMA!

My God! It's been forever since I've actually had to PAUSE a show cause it's too FREAKIN intense!!!

I stop mid-way through a scene (especially with Charlie, oh my, he gets into some major mishaps, and as a 12 year old who wasn't really supposed to watch the show, I couldn't fully appreciate him, but now, oh my...) anyway, so I get midway through the scene, I know what's about to happen, I'm scared for him, I'm nervous for him, I'm thinking holy-shit-what-have-you-done-now for him, and suddenly it hit me what a lot of my own writing is missing. I'm too scared to put my characters in really AWKWARD positions.

Maybe sometimes I just need to let go and really put the worst possible scenario out there. Cause really, I can think of some awful ones, but I'm usually like 'nah, that's too unrealistic/awkward/over-the-top' but NO! We NEED it! We THRIVE on it! I ALWAYS press PLAY!!!! Even if I don't want to, I still reallly, really DO!

It hurts me sometimes, some of the things I watch, actual pain, actual tears, actual awkwardness, but I go back again and again.

I don't know what my point is. If anyone knows please tell me.

All I know is that I was halfway through a REALLY awkward scene where the confrontation is ABOUT TO HAPPEN! I CAN SEE IT! And I pressed pause to tell you gorgeous people about it. Is that my whole point?

Okay woman: FOCUS!!!

2011-01-28T11:10:00.000-08:00

SO. We all know focus is essential to being able to most efficiently carry-out almost any task that requires any kind of brain function.

What it "focus"?

Macquarie (dictionary) tells me that focus... well it's telling me a few things... wait while I scan to see what is relevant...

...

...

Sorry, had to top up my wine, now where was I? Yes, right: FOCUS.

Focus is a central point, as of attraction, attention or activity: to concentrate.

Why am I babbling on about focus? Well it seems we all either need to focus or are focusing at this very moment. On reading as quickly as possible before the boss notices and we need to minimise the screen, on twittering just long enough to not burn dinner, on pushing through the last k (kilometre for those non-aussie's reading) on the treadmill before collapsing in our own sweat, on editing one. more. friggin. chapter. of the novel that will ~~be the death of me~~ never end!!!

On Monday night just past, I attended the first night of a once-a-week for ten-weeks acting workshop. The workshop is going through the basic principles and is also good for non-actors: people who perhaps need to build confidence, people who need help with public speaking, and even those just looking for something new to do.

I'm thinking that whether I actually try to get into acting or stick with writing (I don't think the writing will be leaving me in either case), that having a knowledge of acting, and the film and television industry will be a nice bit of experience to have. I am very interested in screenwriting, (actually I took a workshop on that over the weekend with NIDA, but that's another story) so it can't hurt.

Anyway! Back to the focus thing. (Are we sensing a pattern?)

So we were doing these games that involve everyone standing in a circle, in silence for a few moments (to get ourselves focused of course) before the games would start. The games themselves were designed to help our brains get snapping.

So what did my brain do? MY brain? My brain decided it would be a good idea to giggle while everyone was silent. It decided to smile like a moron throughout the whole game, freeze and go blank when actual on-the-spot thinking was required, and be generally afraid of any unique thinking what-so-ever.

The shame.

I was actually singled out at one point (not in a mean way I'll will admit) and told I needed to control my giggles. Suddenly flashbacks of every single teacher throughout my entire school life came flooding through my head; visions of me being told me stop talking, stop laughing, be quiet, pay attention, streamed in in angry red flashes. Memories of me laughing and ignoring every death-stare the teachers gave me, living up to the whole I-don't-give-a-shit label in a weed-enhanced daze. And for the first time in my life, I'm doing something I actually CARE about, something I have been wanting to do since I was a child, and my natural reflex is actually coming to bite me in the arse!

I was always told that it would and it has. I wasn't being naughty or anything in my class, I just couldn't control my giggles. The instructor asked me "Is it because you're shy or something?". I "pffft" and said "Nah, I don't think I'm shy." But of course, as strange experiences like this will do, I started to question myself and my behaviour.

When I did a casting workshop late last year, I found that I don't like being put on the spot, blood rushed to my ears so I couldn't hear, I sweat buckets in 2-seconds flat, and I almost threw up when having to read one line, I freaked about trying to remember the line and just didn't want to screw it up! My heart was pounding so hard, I swear I'd gone deaf and felt...just awful.

Now, to understand why I'm thinking about this whole shy thing, you need to know that I'm loud. And I speak my mind. I actually can come off as a bit "intimidating" and rough round the edges. And I like to have a laugh and be funny.

It's just occurring to me that perhaps I like to MAKE the laughs so I'm not laughed AT. It makes sense- when I'm re-telling a story I pause and make hand-gestures and play with the tone of my voice so that whoever I'm telling the story to is laughing, even if I'm not. I guess maybe nothing is so bad if you can laugh at it.

I even smile when I get in trouble, or if I'm arguing, or if I find out horrible news. I always have to cover my mouth to hide the smile. I'm not actually happy, it's just a reaction.

I'm a freak.

So my giggling is not just a distraction to myself, (as my mind was drifting off thinking how happy I was or "focusing" on not smiling instead of on the class) but can also inpact on the focus my class mates were so wonderfully building. Very bad mo-jo. I don't even know why it was amusing!

Is it a defense mechanism thing? It's like instead I've throwing myself into something and then failing and looking like a douchebag, I screw it up from the start almost deliberately so instead of failing I'm just that girl who giggles and doesn't take things seriously.

Result: I will never grow, never learn and never be taken seriously myself.

Oh this is so heavy.

So can I change my self-destructive behaviour? Can I show on the outside how serious I am on the inside? Can I find the courage to allow myself to look like a fool instead of acting like a fool?

I hope so.

We all need to focus on one thing or another, what gets in the way of your focus? Do you have any tricks to get your mind into the right headspace? If you have any pearls of wisdom, this confused wanker-woman would love to hear them! And if you are just like me (my god I hope someone is!) then rest assured you are not alone, and maybe one day we will find the key to our inner-focus.

Courage

2010-12-29T19:57:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else find they are missing a bit of this?

Do you see it in yourself sometimes that you are not be true to yourself?

I do.

Right now actually.

I find it a struggle to be honest with myself. Bit of a flaw actually. Like I can feel this niggling doubt or something in myself, like fear.

Fear is awful.

I hate fear. Damn you fear!

What am I afraid of? Hmmm...

Failure for one.

You know how people say that the flaws you hate about yourself (but won't admit to usually) are the ones you hate in others? Probably has something to do with attraction- that we are attracted to that which we do not possess, therefore it makes sense that we dislike in others what is a reflection of ourselves.

I do this. Weakness and self doubt. I do it. Ugh. I hate that I am saying it. I try not to let myself feel it, but it's there. I should probably be tackling it.

I have only recently be letting myself explore a part of myself, the part that knows I'm supposed to be doing more than sitting in an office cubicle staring at numbers, that part that has been hiding in me since I was a child.

My creative self.

I'm no artist, not with paints, or brushes, or a camera, nor with fabric or graphics.

I like to write, most of you know this. I have been letting my heart out onto paper (and screen) for a while now. The other part of me wants to perform. Yes, like an actor. Why is it so hard for me to say it?

You know what I love about writing and acting, well about any of the arts- the way it communicates to people. It connects; the arts take people away from reality and let them experience things outside of their own world. Whether it be a look into the future or the past, into the heart and soul, into the mythological and hereafter. Helping people Feel.

It's honest.

If I want to be apart of that, I have to be honest with myself first. If I'm not true to myself, how can I ever expect to bring the truth to anyone else?

Wow it's been a while!

2010-12-06T15:52:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I have been gone for so long! Three months! It has been a crazy few months but I'm really glad to be writing this. It feels like things do when you see an old friend, or pick up your favourite book- like it doesn't matter how much time passes, when you see them or read that book or play that instrument it is like no time has passed and you are home!

Now first I will say that although I have been busy, I have also been procrastinating too. Not in the way where I am aware of it and feel guilty, but in a more freeing way I have actually been a little selfish- reading a lot, watching telly, started going to the gym, and letting myself feel where I want my life to take me, rather than feeling forced into doing something until I "get a chance" to do something else. It has made me happier about my day-job, which, lets face it, pays the bills, while I am letting my heart know that in little ways I can express myself and move closer to doing something for a living that I am passionate about.

Anyway! Two of my glorious delights that I have been soaking up like sweet wine are the TV series "Supernatural" and the Laurell K Hamilton "Merry Gentry" series of books. I have mentioned before how much I love her books and I am just so into them right now. I have never been much of a "supernatural/fantasy" kind of reader/watcher before, but I am TOTALLY into this scene right now! I've always been a chick flick/lit kinda girl, but I started watching supernatural and have loved the Merry Gentry books for ages, so I have been immersed in all this mythological, old world stuff round the clock. It has certainly had an impact on my dreams.

As I was drifting off to sleep I was thinking about something in the current Merry Gentry book I am reading about young psychics who are coached in their abilities to develop them, and my mind was wandering through thoughts about how awesome it would be if the real world (that I know about) was like that. I mean what if people identified these talented little people and instead of taking them to psychologists and putting them on drugs, actually took them to a kind of school where they could develop their abilities and use them for good (the characters like this in Merry Gentry series use their abilities to solve crimes). Maybe somewhere they do...

Now I'm not saying I do believe or don't believe in the psychic world, as I've neither experienced anything for myself nor known anyone who claims to have these abilities, I was just in that place between awake and asleep where I mused that if only the people in this world weren't afraid of what they cannot see or experience themselves that it would be a wonderful thing.

It all comes down to fear I suppose. I mean, I am a little afraid of that world being true as it is a scary and unknown thing. A little, ha, okay yes, a paranormal world puts fear in me as I don't know it to be true. But it could be.

I am glad for this little divergence as I feel it is opening my imagination a little more, letting more creativity and possibility into my soul. So despite my absence, that's gotta be a good thing right?

The most romantic line ever!!!

2010-09-20T03:30:00.000-07:00

I am an absolute sucker for romance. Total. It's very sad. And not just romance- I'm a general sap. I cry over the smallest things. Not in my life so much (thank heavens), but on telly, movies and books. Total sap.

I think some people call it sensitive, but it is honestly a physical reaction that cannot be ignored! I just tear up! My hubster laughs his arse off at me! If there is even the slightest hint of sappiness (ie: when the people on biggest loser are reunited with their families, and yes I'm serious) he glances over at me with a knowing grin and holds out a tissue and I tell him to shut-up and watch the TV while grabbing the tissue and dabbing. Then I sniffle and he looks at me again and says 'Oh baby is it sad???'

I can't help it!!!! It just HAPPENS!

Anyway, so one of the chick-flick-iest shows I love is Gilmore Girls. I know, please don't start, but there is something about that show that I just love! The conversation, intelligence, relationships and insanity just has me hooked.

So it's no surprise that one of my all-time favourite romantic lines is from that show. Perhaps the fact that I just watched the series finale after two glasses of wine has something to do with it but still! I swear it's a great line!

In the series finale, Luke and Lorelai are FINALLY reunited (I'm not going to go into it I promise), anyway they speak less than 15 words to each other and Luke says:

"I just like to see you happy."

Oh come on, please, don't tell me that isn't sweet???

I just like to see you happy.

What more could a girl ask for? Seriously? He wants to make her happy no matter what! Ah I LOVE it!

That kind of self-less adoration is what every girl dreams of when they think of having someone to love them! (Not in a stalker kinda way though, I must be clear on that.) And to sum it up in 7 words.... seriously... I have no words. Well four words, which is: I have no words.

I'm sure there are many other, much more romantic one-liners in the history of romantic one-liners so PLEASE I beg you impart your wisdom (or the line that makes you weak at the knees, or weak in your moral standing...) HERE! Tell me- what makes you faint? Sigh with your eyes raised to the heavens? Your heart flutter? Or completely stop beating? Weep with the sheer joyful sappiness of it all?

Feed my sappiness!

Keeping it fun

2010-09-13T19:21:00.000-07:00

I've been having a slump lately where working on my script has felt like... ~~torture~~, ~~a nightmare,~~ work.

Despite that fact I am writing for my own free will, unpaid, un-agented and unpublished, there has been a heavy cloud over my head and lead in my hands when I think of working on it leaving me feeling very flat indeed.

There has been a kind of self-imposed pressure laying on me. Pressure to finish, pressure to write well, pressure to write full-stop!

Every time I open my laptop I stare blankly at the screen. Awful.

I write because I love to write. Usually.

So I decided to not write until I felt that love return. It's been awhile. Even my blogs have suffered.

Last week while tutoring a friends 10 year old daughter in reading and writing, we were talking about a task she had been given in class to pretend to be a reporter and write a story. The teacher had given them a topic (which I will divulge later- you'll see why) and the young girl had written 8 words and then refused to write any more saying she couldn't think of anything to write.

We discussed how I come up with ideas, where they come from etc, and as I had no pressure on myself I spouted into an impromptu story on the given topic. I held no reins and just let the words tumble. I had the young girl in hysterics.

It was FUN.

From there the story idea stuck in my head and the next day before I knew what I was doing, a new version of the story was pouring from my finger-tips onto my pretty white screen and I was enjoying writing. I was writing a short-story for fun, for me, for no other reason than because I wanted to tell the story.

I wasn't writing with the thought of publication, or entering a competition, or any of that. But, for the joy of creating something from almost nothing. From a little idea. The only place I thought of "publishing" it was on here and again: for FUN.

I realised this is the spark that I had lost. That I cannot write without. That I never want to lose again!

I needed to find a way to write for the pleasure of writing, writing something that is so completely different from what I'm working on, that I can share with my friends, peers, fellow writers, just for the purity and joy of it all!

Perhaps short-story writing is my way of finding that inner-child-writer. The little voice that has always been there but sometimes I just can't hear.
Different from inspiration, which is everywhere, as even with beautiful music and amazing pictures I have still been putting the pen down and shutting the laptop. But when I was writing the silly story I was happy. I didn't need anything else. Just the sounds and pictures in my own mind.

What do you write for fun? Do you lose your spark and how do you get it back?

Was I destined to write this?

2010-09-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

Fate. Destiny. The grand design. The belief that despite the fact we seem to make our own decisions and shape our own lives that perhaps there is a greater hand at work choosing our paths for us.

Even 'the benefit of hindsight' suggests a certain admission that things are out of our control. When we look back at some choice or experience and say “If only I had known this is where it would take me...” or “I knew at that moment everything would be different...”

Or when the perfect job, pair of shoes, lover, seem to appear in a our lives at the perfect moment. Life is at once changed forever and glowing with the appearance of what is “meant to be”.

How else can we explain the simultaneous and intermingling lives of billions of people across the world? Every life is both unique and part of the whole. There has to be some amount of control, whether it is a higher power pulling the puppet strings of our lives, or something of our own creation. A billion people making millions of decisions at exactly the same time every single day, yet there is some method to the madness, some connectedness in the chaos, and yes some destruction amongst a field of daisies.

Can life be a convergence of both the fated and the chosen? Of destiny and dream?

If you choose one path and not the other, is that the choice that was meant to happen? Were you destined to choose that path no matter what? It is what happened, so in this life and this plane of existence yes, it was meant to be; it is here.

Is there a grand design? Each one of us facing life choices daily, some people living through an excruciating existence to the point that one may wonder 'Well what's the point? Why must a person be destined to live a life of horror, deprivation and heinous death?'

Those that are taken from us before their time, through disease and fatal accidents, was this their path? Their destiny? What God or greater being would deign them that fate? How does man-kind benefit? How mysterious must God's ways work to put human kind through some of the things that it has both survived and perished by?

Some would say that man-kind has created this world. Through its collective decisions and actions, through free-will. This thinking would imply that nothing is meant to be and everything is a consequence of a previous thought or action – which is logical indeed – and every bad or good thing in our lives is a result of our own making.

These thoughts bring with it a sense of control, that we can shape our lives and our potential future has a ceiling of limitation created only by the power of our minds.

Do you think that life is more fated that coincidence? Do opportunities land in your lap and events and experiences pop up in your life that just seem so well timed that something larger than us is guiding and shaping our lives?

These chances we are given that put a fork in the road, is that destiny giving us a choice? Or is destiny playing her own game, already knowing which path we will choose?

I like to think that I own my own life, and that I choose where I do and do not go. But so many things have happened in my life, good and bad, to make me think that from birth, I was one day destined to write this to you.

Whatever the truth may be, if Destiny is playing her game with me, the journey is a blast, and I can't wait to see where she will take me next.

from Byron Bay to Brisbane Writer's Fest...

2010-08-30T01:54:00.000-07:00

As I plan on attending Brisbane Writer's Festival this weekend with the lovely Amber from the writing ant, I am reminded that I have been the slackest blogger on the planet since Byron Bay Writer's Festival, so slack that I haven't yet blogged about Byron Bay Writer's Festival.

Perhaps one reason is that I had so much to say about it that I felt overwhelmed at the task and have been putting it off.

I had the pleasure of meeting Jo Butler, commissioning editor of literary fiction for Harper Collins, who is so lovely, yet may have mistaken me for an absolute tosser as I blushed and stuttered my way through an awkward introduction. I couldn't help it! I was so nervous! Very unlike me! I know how to speak, I'm actually quite fond of it, so not being able to get out "Hi I'm Alison Smith" was so embarrassing- I hang my head in shame!

The literary world is so filled with such accomplished and intellectual people that I feel dwarfed and almost out of place; meeting authors, agents and publishers makes me feel like I've stolen back stage passes to a David Guetta concert wearing shirt that says "I love yodeling and do not belong here."

One such author to have surely been bamboozled by my blundering tongue was Daniel Ducrou, author of the Byron Journals (whose book I bought, had signed and have yet to read- eep!), and again I blushed, stammered and while walking away I thought "you LOSER! speak like a PERSON!".

I attended two panels with Daniel as a guest speaker, and while waiting to speak to Rebecca James, Daniel kindly said hello and I don't even think I smiled then I looked away! LOOKED AWAY! How RUDE! Oh please tell me there are other aspiring writers like me out there??? PLEASE

Back to the point, there was a panel concerning when a novel crosses the line from YA fiction to adult, which I loved attending. The authors all read sections from their novels which displayed a level of possible adult content: drugs, sex, rape, profanities. While all of these feature within these YA novels, and to be sure there are teenagers who abuse or have experienced all of the above, it is also known how many adults not only enjoy but treasure these books, and also some parents who may think differently about the things their teenagers read about.

Rebecca James's novel "Beautiful Malice" is classed as YA in Australia but Adult in America. I have read Beautiful Malice, reviewed it and love it, and I certainly feel that it is more of an adult novel than a YA novel. Is my perception skewed? Does this say something about Australia's leniency toward content when classifying literature? Why is the age of the protagonist so heavily influential in classifying novels? I'd also like to add that Rebecca made a sensible comment that with all the other influences surrounding teenagers (their peers, older siblings, TV, movies, video games, the news etc) that reading a book can be and may very well be the safest place for a youth to explore these taboo subjects. Very good point!

I hadn't read much YA until I started blogging and then reading books based on recommendation from fellow bloggers. Since then I have come to thoroughly enjoy everything I have read, but love to hear from others: when does the content cross the line? What springs to mind when you think of YA?

Mark Dapin with Matthew Reilly and Jack Heath

I could go on and on about the brilliant people who I met and saw at BBWF (such as Jack Heath and Matthew Reilly [honestly two of the funniest guys, the panel was a crack up] who are amazing Australian authors that I admire), meeting Matthew Reilly and when he asked me "So are you a writer?" me thinking "Compared to you? NO! I can barely spell my own name!" The discussions during panels that blew my mind, and my perpetual nervousness that I doubt I will overcome by this weekend, but I think I should stop. Or this post could get VERY long.

P.S. I believe I answered Matt with "Um..*incoherent gurgling*...um..gggaaah.trying...haha... thanks..." before I practically ran away and hid under a tree. I'll leave you with that image.

Why do we "FALL" in love?

2010-08-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

Why is it 'FALL'? Why Fall?

Why not trip? Leap? Stroll? Run? Prance like a gazelle?

Why is the falling synonymous with having just admitted to oneself or the person for whom the affection is focused that you feel the all encompassing 'love'?

Why is it something associated with legs not working properly that leaves me with the image of flay-ling arms and legs, screaming down a gaping blackhole in the sidewalk?

Falling itself is never really a positive thing.

Perhaps the link arose as the first stages of love do tend to be rather terrifying. Sweaty palms, sweaty armpits, sweat in general. Ridiculous smiles that may be described as lighting up a room, but are very obvious signs of infatuation and the only reason any room would light up is they are laughing at your dorky arse. All the "first's" that happen in the beginning are also pulse-racing affairs; the mixed signals, confusion, fear of dissatisfying the said new partner, fear of rejection, hope that finally this one might be the one.

Humph. Maybe "falling" is actually a tad understated as the above sounds like an awful way to spend a Saturday night.

When I fall I tend to scratch myself up in some way; fracture a wrist, roll an ankle, find my face connecting with someone else's elbow (all outcomes of playing fullback in soccer, which is what i do on Saturday nights) and you know my heart is never fluttering like a damn butterfly. Sure it's pounding from sheer exertion, fear and pain, and perhaps for that brief moment suspended in time when I am falling, my heart may stop pounding to jump in my throat - something I know can happen in the love version of the great fall - as I fear how bad I am going to be hurt this time. Everything slows as I feel each muscle stretch and my limbs hit the ground. Finally I stop and wait for that split second before my nerves register the landing. I either scream in pain, frozen in whatever busted-up pose I landed in, or get up, brush myself off and live to play another day.

Wow. Okay I think I just used a soccer analogy where I get slide-tackled to the ground to explain why we 'fall' in love.

And next week: I use fishing to explain the re-bound boy.

Favourite words of mine

2010-08-14T23:36:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else have a quote that just seems to be yours? Like it fit a time in your life, a person in your life or somehow symbolises you in some way. One that is for you?

One that when people talk about favourite quotes, lines from movies or songs, this is the first one that comes to your mind every time and some people haven't even heard it before?

Well I'd like to share mine. And I'd LOVE to hear all yours.

"You can take away all of my rights to see the day, but you can't take away my love for the day."

Lines from song "Fast times at drop-out high" by the Ataris.

The Ataris are a indie/alternative/kinda-punk-ish band from the nineties who I fell in love with in high school and that love has never faded.

Most people I know haven't really heard about these guys (sorry!) and the passion is something I enjoy on my own. It's my car CD, you know- the one you sing crazily to while in the car on your own.

This line has always stuck with me.

This line has so many metaphorical meanings for me, and I think will always be etched in my heart.
It symbolises love, loss, hope, lust, desire and dreams.

Why? Well that's a post for another time...

I hope you enjoyed it.

Please share with me the few little words that strike a chord with you.

Emerging Genre: New Adult Fiction

2010-08-04T04:06:00.000-07:00

New Adult Fiction.

The elusive emerging genre in-between Young Adult and Adult Fiction.

Why it is called "New Adult" is beyond my knowledge, but here are some thoughts:

Have you ever read a book and knew the protagonist had been edited into a teenager for the purpose of categorising the novel into a sellable genre? The characters behave, speak, think and read more like twenty-year-old's, yet the novel is set in high school?
While trying to classify my own work in progress a few months ago (I grudgingly class it as "women's fiction") I stumbled across a couple of articles and blogs proclaiming the emergence of "New Adult". Today I asked the question on twitter if anyone knew if "new adult" was anything more than a pipe dream. The resulting conversations under new thread #newadultchat blew me away- so many writers and readers wanting to discuss this topic. The fact there are so many of us out there gives me hope that one day New Adult will be a genre reality.

The concept of fiction can be tricky, as to me, a part of yourself is in every story. When it comes to character driven stories (which I have discovered mine are) where the main character goes on an emotional quest rather than a physical one, a certain amount of your heart has to be in it for the emotion to be believable. Even in many thrillers, horrors, adventures, apocalyptic dystopians, a struggle of the heart keeps the reader emotionally invested in the characters plight.

To convey feeling, you the writer need to feel, and how we feel about situations, people and experiences, changes as we move from one stage of our life to the next. I feel I could write about a teenager, as I have been one, I could write about someone in their twenties because I am one. I don't feel I have the emotional maturity or psychological development to accurately story-tell about someone in their thirties, forties and beyond. Does this sound ridiculous? As I am talking about fiction, perhaps it does.

The idea of fiction may very well be to write about that which you do not know. For me writing about a fictional land or event is easier than writing about a fictional emotional reaction to the land or event. Because the land you create is always complete fiction. The FEELINGS are not. Everyone feels. The emotion in a novel can be an encyclopedia of feelings.

My MC is in her early twenties. She is not married. She doesn't have children. She isn't getting divorced. But she isn't a little girl either. She goes through some experiences from her late-teens INTO her twenties that are shaping her into a woman.

Nobody ever has it all figured out. Although there is a massive stereotype that the teen years are the years of self discovery, I will insist that this is not so! I personally remember the teens years just being bitchy and horrible- I don't think I discovered anything about myself. Whereas the years from 18-21, those three little years, changed me.

Between 18-21, wow- I just went through so much. Those years cause massive upheaval- and they are important! The changes to yourself, your life, career, family, friends, lovers, oh my! Nobody turns 18 and instantly finds everything that mattered when they were 17 no longer matters, like the young adult stops at 18, and now you suddenly know everything.

And nothing else seems to happen to you until you are in your thirties: finding a partner, getting divorced, changing careers, raising children. You know what? All that stuff happens when you're twenty as well! What- a career change isn't as big a deal in your twenties as in your thirties? Just because "oh you're still young enough to do that" doesn't mean it's not a big deal. Does getting married and having a baby in your twenties feel different than in your thirties? I don't know; I'm not thirty.

I don't know if when I'm in my thirties I will feel different about life, and love, and look back on my past differently. I am GUESSING that I will, as I already feel and think differently than I did five years ago when I was twenty. I already reflect back on things that I have been through in the past ten years and contemplate the past. How will ten more years change my perspective?

The twenties are an in-between. It is glaringly obvious that there is a massive gap between a 17 year old protagonist versus a 35 year old one. What is in-between?

I guess I just feel that taking experiences a twenty-something goes through and trying to say that a seventeen-year-old went through it, not only can create unbelievable characters, but also changes the feeling and emotion associated with it. The mental and emotional development of someone in their twenties is different from someone who is in high-school.

I think the same applies to characters in their thirties. I am 25, married, no children of my own, have a 17-year old step-son, a dog, a "day" job and I am desperately hoping to one day make a career out of writing. I have had loved ones come and go, have been through my own triumphs and tribulations. If I had been 35 when I got married and was bestowed the joys of a 17 year old step-son, would I have treated him differently? Would I have FELT different about the whole situation? Quite possibly.

I think I am trying to say that each stage of life is valid and important, and to try and give a teenage character the same experiences and emotions as someone ten years older than they are feels like it almost undermines the experiences had by a teenager- as those are important too. It changes the idea of how teenagers react to situations, emotions and people, and also impacts those EXPERIENCED by someone in their twenties. By the same token, I will NEVER pretend I know what it feels like to have 10 years on what I am now.
I hope that 10 years gives me knowledge, insight, understanding and wisdom- at least more than what I have now, and I will never undermine that LIFE EXPERIENCE by pretending I have already been there.

If I sound naive and unrealistically hopeful while writing this I actually think it further proves my point: the mind of twenty-somethings works different! The feelings are different! The level of KNOWLEDGE is different! We sound young because we are young- BUT we aren't 17 either. Don't insult the years we have been through by classifying us as big teenagers, and don't insult our older peers by saying we have been through everything they have. Because we haven't.

We haven't earned the right to speak as if we have been there and done it all. We haven't. But you know what? We are in it. Now. Can't I tell you about the journey?

Judgement Day- Breaking the mould Part 2

2010-08-02T21:23:00.000-07:00

This post is a bit of a follow-on from my previous post on man's duality when it comes to individuality and acceptance.

On the trip back from Melbourne, my artist friend and I pulled out our respective magazines that had been purchased from an amazing magazine store called "mag nation" in Melbourne's CBD, where we had perused thousands of magazines for at least an hour. We had both come away with ridiculously interesting magazines and planned to dive into them during the 2-hour flight home.

The front cover was a hand-drawn sketch. I don't even know what made me judge the cover, and speak it out loud, but I did. Here's the conversation:

Me: This is ugly. The head on that woman is all messed up, and the hands just don't make sense to me.

Evil stare from artist friend.

Her: How can you judge it like that? You don't know anything about it!

Whoa, holy hell, I have opened the black box.
Me: I'm just saying...

Her: You don't know what she was going for, maybe it's not realism.

Me: Well how am I supposed to know! It doesn't look right-

Her: Compared to what? You don't know what she was trying to achieve, and you go calling it ugly!

Me: I didn't call it ugly!

Her: Yes you did!

Me: Well yeah I did, but...(feeling quite small here) no I don't know what she was going for...

Her: So you call it ugly?

Me: To me it is; it doesn't look right.

Her: Compared to what?

Me: Compared to a human head! She's got her work out there, it's there for judgement

Her: But you don't know anything about the artist, or what their work is about

Me: How am I supposed to know from a front cover? An artist has to accept that there are going to be people out there who know nothing about their style and just don't get it. People like me who don't know anything about realism or whatever are going to look at that and think, 'what the?'...

Now this conversation did go on for a bit longer, each side (thankfully) able to see the relevant points each other had to make. I don't think it helped that we had just sculled glasses of bubbly in our 10minute flight delay, and I'm not sure if we actually came to a resolution, however, it did of course get me thinking about my own time of judgement.

The truth was, to me the cover wasn't... nice. I didn't like it. I'm not saying I understand what the artist was going for, in fact my point is that I definitely DID NOT get what the artist was trying to achieve. I know I couldn't do any better (I can't draw- even my stick people look stupid), and I know that it is clearly good enough to be published (yes, unlike moi). Doesn't mean I get it.

One could argue that at least their work IS out there, in a magazine, unlike mine, and that perhaps I don't have the guts to display my own work so how can I comment on anyone else's, and I would completely agree except for the fact that everybody does it! Do I expect that every person who reads something I write to be writing and displaying work of their own? No. Would that make a person any more or less qualified to comment on my work? No. Do I expect everybody to like it? No. (Oh the anxiety!)

Am I still petrified of the judgement and hate before I press "publish" on every post? Oh Hell YES!

That is the price of having your work out there: judgement.

I know that is one of the most feared words in an artists vocabulary. That, alongside 'rejection', 'critic' and 'trash' make for a shivering shell in the corner sucking their thumb.

But it's true. My friend argued that I didn't understand what the artist was going for (True), and I said the artist had to accept that people would view the work and sometimes they would NOT GET IT.

Having my work, or even my blogs, this post right here, out in the public, I am subjecting myself to that same scrutiny and judgement. There may be people who don't understand what I am talking about.

The best I can do is BELIEVE in what I write, I have to believe that what I am saying is true, I need to stand behind my words, hold my words hands when someone disagrees with them or pushes them down. Which they will. It's inevitable that not EVERYBODY will like my blogs or any future work I may produce.

I think this has shown me two things:

1) I will be judged. I'd better get used to that idea.
2) I should be a little more considerate when observing the work of others. Just because I don't "get it", doesn't mean I can trash it.

In relation to man's urge to set himself apart, yet having an ache for acceptance and approval, there is always the risk of haters. We don't all like the same things, and we can't expect everybody to like what we do. Yet without this common trait of opinions towards a like and dislike (again, a dual concept and oh the irony) there would be no strive to BE different, no urge to find our quirk, our controversial ground-breaking creation, no individuals. The mould would never be broken, creativity would be dead.

The thought of creativity and imagination being a void of nothingness, of there never being anything created to even place an opinion or judgement on, is a far worse concept than the judgement itself.

Do what you want to do! For every creative thought you kill with the fear of judgement... well the world becomes a little bit duller don't you think?

Breaking the mould- a living contradiction

2010-07-31T20:01:00.000-07:00

Ever find you like something that no-one else does? Does it ever make you slightly shamed instead of standing tall in pride?

We spend much of our lives trying to be noticed for the people we are yet when someone disagrees with our choices, style or work, we can shrink back in rejection.

Even when trying to break free of conformity (or for a better choice of words: trying to FIND OURSELVES) via clothing style, music preference, career path, piercing or tattoo adornment, yet even within these niches of individuality we seek out those who are doing just as we are. Searching for those who also wear ballet flats, like Grizzly Bear, are hoping to write for a living and adore delicate, brightly coloured tattoos. (Am I talking about myself???)

We feel the need to justify our choices. Why? So people understand? So they 'Get It' and won't judge?

Even people who say 'I don't care what anybody says' are usually throwing off a massive insecurity shield. The wall going up around them rolls off them in waves of anxiety and fear.

It's our differences that make us unique individuals yet many of us constantly strive for conformity. The craving to belong... somewhere, with someone.

As writers, artists, hell as HUMANS, no matter what field we are in, we usually try to find that one thing that sets us apart while at the same time earns us a 'Well done!' of praise. Ironic isn't it?

The artist strives to make a statement, express creativity and individuality, be daring and bold, sometimes controversial, but still the work goes on display for people who then often IDENTIFY with it while APPRECIATING it's UNIQUENESS.

Is it all just a moot point? A mad circle of chicken and egg?

If we were all so different to an absolute, we would all be alone. (Even in that we would be together)

Life is a series black and white, yes and no, day and night, is it not just then, that we should all be living contradictions?

Is this question of mould-breaking, individuality just like much of life- a balance? Another shade of grey?

What is it that you love, that no-one else does? You never know- I might love it too

Divine Inspiration

2010-07-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

Returning from my beautiful little jaunt to Melbourne I am both exhausted and elated.

I went with one of my best friends in the world, Jocey, to see a band we both really love, Grizzly Bear.

It was amazing. Grizzly Bear are heavy on vocal melody, are massively talented musicians and I'm in love with their sound. I've heard it classified as folk rock, but I've never heard anything quite like them.

The band made use of an array of instruments, and their voices create such an amazing harmony. It is different, definitely not mainstream, and truly a gift.

While watching the band, the crowd sat in almost silent amazement. This is not a band you mosh to, scream and wave at while they are performing- the applause and cheering happened at the end of each song because frankly, the crowd was too enveloped in the moment to even want to make a sound during the performance.

The guys were modest and down to earth, and clearly LOVED every. single. second. of the performance.

I was wrapped up in their passion.

It was such an honour to watch. It truly is a blessing when people with such talent share their gifts, allowing us into their world. It was INSPIRING! They were rocking out so hard and looked liked they were in their element. The music they made... I just don't have words.

I want to give myself to my passions like they do.

That's how they inspired me. Seeing these guys live gave me goosebumps. Gave me a rush to want to put as much passion into my writing and my life as they do their music.

What a gift.

Note: If you would like to listen to anything by the band, I recommend 'Two weeks' & 'Knife'. Grizzly Bear are not for everybody, (nothing is), but they are for me :)
p.s they also feature on the 'new moon' soundtrack in the song 'slow life'

Romeo and Juliet- The Greats

2010-07-23T16:52:00.000-07:00

We all have our favourites. Our Greats. Our Greatests (yes I am aware this is not a word. But I like it.)

I don't just mean greatest literature. But great movies, artists, art, music and the musician's who composed it, great actors and actresses, great photography- so many talented people creating things from their own mind that move us.

This post idea came to me while watching the 1996 Baz Luhrmann production of Romeo & Juliet.
When this film came out I had heard of Romeo & Juliet but not read it, (I was 12, & hadn't covered this at school yet) and I can't even remember when I saw the film for the first time. Probably soon after it came out as everyone on the planet fell in love with Leonardo Dicaprio, and I'm fairly certain I fell into the "everyone" category for a while there.

I do remember not really "getting it"- I didn't understand the language. I remember loving the soundtrack. Radiohead's Talk show host is still one of my favourite songs. I would have to say it is one of my "greats", mostly as when I hear it, I feel how I did when I first saw that scene with Leo, his dejection and pain comes across clearly, coupled with the slow edgy beats, this scene speaks to me. It was while re-watching the movie that I began to listen to the words. I would write down parts of the speech that sounded...something. I don't have a word, sounded... important- like I had to pay attention. I still didn't really understand it. I just knew it was good.

Reading Romeo & Juliet in high school wasn't much of a treat. I don't think a lot of kids can really get a hold of it. I know I didn't, and neither did more than half my class. Plus I think we had to watch one of those really old movie versions that are traditional and try to reflect how it would have been, and I believe the class spent most of the time laughing at the dodgy acting and wishing we were watching Leo. I'm not sure much interpretation and understanding went on in those classes.

I think the concept of "tradgedy" also evaded us, ie: "Why do they have to die?", "Because it's a tradgedy," "Yeah but why? Couldn't they get married and live happily ever after?".
I believe this also demostrates my point about understanding.

This time when I watched it, well firstly it has been at least five years since I last saw it, and I'd also studied Great Literature at Uni (honestly- that was the real course name), coming to appriciate Literature of the past, and also I seem to pay a lot more attention when watching movies and reading books now that I am embarking on my own writing journey.

I noticed more about the interpretation of this classic, understood what the characters were actually saying to each other, and was able to grasp onto to the meanings behind the words.

The movie is a gathering of arts that I think is GREAT. The actors, the musical composition, the blend of classic tongue in a contemporary setting- GREAT. It is accessible. I get FEELING from this that I did not while trying to READ this works in high school. It seemed REAL. The biggest issue with reading the play was that we spent so long trying to work out what the hell they were saying that we didn't see the characters as people. Didn't understand the emotion. Most classic-style films are the same- the actors didn't make it real. They were too busy trying to remember a line and delivering it correctly, they forgot to give the audience the ONE we need to stay interested in the characters: FEELING! If we feel nothing for the characters, if we don't understand them and can't relate to them, we don't care about them and LOSE INTEREST.

That's when we close the book. Or change channels. Or skip to the next song.

What makes something great? What makes something TIMELESS?

Alrighty-roo!

2010-07-22T04:12:00.000-07:00

New blog design! Here we are!

Firstly, if you see no side/background image I have utterly screwed up somewhere....

Also, if none of the colours match... again this is an issue.

I'm going to call this a draft, people. Blog 2, draft 1. Let's see how many bugs we get in this bad boy!

Tell me everything! As I CAN and WILL make my blog pretty and user friendly! I promise!

I don't want to look like an idiot guys (too late, but oh well) so help a lass out, will you? If something seems off, just tell me! You can email or twitter if you don't want to announce something that may embarrass me (umm.... ali? you appear to have tucked your skirt into your stockings and you have toilet paper stuck to your foot. Oh, and there is gum in your hair...)

RE-DESIGN!

2010-07-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone! I need help! Yes perhaps the professional kind but that's not why I'm here today.

I was startled to open my blog page this morning and see a message from "the cutest blog on the block" saying my template will be removed on the 23rd of July and I'd need to pick a new one! That's in two days! Actually I'm in Australia and it's already Thursday the 22nd here, and I'll be at work tomorrow when the world catches up so I need to re-design TODAY!

*Gasp* I'm so horrified! I don't know whether this counts as vanity or not but I quite liked my template. It was simple and pretty. Now it's ABANDONING me!

Then I tried to go to the cutest blog on the block's website and it won't connect. The situation was looking bleak.

UNTIL!

Tara from The Bodacious Pen sent my direction flowing to her blog post (which you can view here) on several design sites for my viewing pleasure- and a pleasure it is indeed; now my biggest problem will be picking from the massive array of templates at my disposal.

I am also contemplating a name change. When I first started blogging I wasn't sure how to go about naming the blog, I didn't really know much about the blogosphere, and the direction I wanted to go in. Now I know that it is a place for me to share my writing, share the craft of others that I love, and things that move me. I know it is NOT a place for me to whine and bitch (that's what DM's on twitter are for haha), it is a place to share positive thoughts and creativity and connect with others.

"love miss ali" came about through, obviously, my nickname: ali (I also do have friends who actually call me miss ali) and love as "love from". It is not a desperate plea for people to actually love me, which is the other way the title could be perceived and is the one thing I don't like about the title.

Given what I have said about how I'd like the blog to come across, I pose the following questions:

1) What are your views on name-changing? Have you done it?
2) How did you come up with your blog title?
3) Any thoughts on my own title? Suggestions? Ways me for to come up with a new one?
4) Any other thoughts on my blog in general, the design, theme...etc....?

love FROM miss ali xxx

Teaser Thursday???

2010-07-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

Doesn't have quite the same ring to it does it? Ah well. Good news- I'm actually getting some words down, which is unlike me, so I'm taking advantage of the muse while She's here. Bad news- I'm missing out on some fantastic posts and I'm missing everyone! I do have an actually post idea in the works, but don't want to lose my focus, so instead I thought I'd give a little teaser on what I'm working on.

Side note: does anyone else feel that? If they are making progress (in any kind of art or project) you don't want to let your mind divert to something else in case it all falls apart?

A scene (in progress) from my work in progress, working title: "Finding Heaven".

The tiles were cool beneath me.
It was nice.

Everything was foggy. I could just make out the porcelain of the toilet. I could hear my breathing; shallow, and slow.

The CD player in the background was skipping the same part over and over, but I didn't care.

Suddenly it stopped.

'Nev?' Sadie's voice floated to me from some faraway place. I tried to say 'I'm in here,' but all that came out was a hoarse soft croak.

My throat hurt.

'Nev!' her voice was right over me now. I tried to see her but she wasn't in my line of vision and I couldn't make my head move.

'Holy shit! Nev!' her hands were on me, I felt two fingers on my wrist. Her touch felt like flames to me.

Her hand brushed the side of my face, pushing hair out of my eyes. Everything was blurry but I tried to focus.

I still couldn't see her.

'What have you done?' her voice was frantic.

I wanted to cry. Why does she even care about me? I don't deserve it.

I closed my eyes and begged to be taken.

Her hands were pulling at my arms and chest; trying to move me onto my side I think. I saw flashes of the world from under my heavy lids.

My mind couldn't recognise anything; mostly I just saw the blackness. For a moment I feared I was going blind; a heinous twist of fate, as I would be left alone with the images of my mind- the very things I wanted to hide from.

Die from, just so I wouldn't be left alone with them again.

I LIVE HERE!!!!!

2010-07-10T17:21:00.000-07:00

Many of us wish we were more involved in charities and humanitarian efforts, and have our charities and foundations that speak to us. I am a little ashamed to admit that while I applaud anyone who takes part in humanitarian efforts, I’m not entirely an active participant myself.

I am not here today to ask you to donate; I would just like to share a little story about one project that speaks to me.

Two weeks ago today, Sunday the 27th of June 2010, some wonderful friends of mine, Jess Gilbert and Mickey Teague of Maroochydore, Australia, came together with two other friends, Lahnee Thomas and Pablo Pavlovich, to host Australia’s first fundraiser for the ‘I live here’ projects.

I first heard of Jess and Mickey’s involvement with this grass-roots organisation last year a when the girls requested that instead of presents or money for their birthdays they hoped their friends would donate $25 (or whatever we could afford) to the projects instead. I was moved by this act of generosity and I donated. I believe the girls had quite a few friends donating and the total was over $300.00.

Later in the year, I donated to the projects again, and received a hand-written, snail-mail letter from the project’s founders from America! I was so touched they had taken the time to write to me, and thank me for donating.

From the letter:

“...our permaculture project is thriving, giving the kids the much needed nutrition and education about permaculture... we think that this is thanks to your kindness... each day is new and full of little victories that make this project so valuable. Thank you so much. Sincerely, Judy, Erica & Mia. ILH team.”

The ‘I live here’ projects are a non-profit, grass-roots organisation aiming to work with communities to develop sustainable futures by looking at six aspects of livelihood:

1) Health
2) Education
3) Art
4) Permaculture
5) Nutrition
6) Legal rights

(Source: http://www.i-live-here.com/ILH_MISSION_STATEMENT_AND_DESCRIPTION.pdf)

Put simply: “I LIVE HERE believes in the power of individual expression to transform the lives of people living in the most extreme situations of poverty and isolation.” (Courtesy of Mikarla Teague’s Facebook page)

ILH recently held a “Global Day of Action = host your own event or fundraiser” on the 27th of June 2010.

It was this call out that my generous friends responded to. This was an opportunity for them to be a part of something great, to bring awareness of the organisation to Australians. I was unable to attend, but donated to the event instead.

Today, I have with me Mikarla Teague, of the fantastic foursome that hosted “INTO AFRICA”, the first ever Australian fundraiser for the “I live here” foundation.

Welcome Mickey!

The event was held two Sunday's ago, how did it go? What were the highlights of the event?

The Event was a truly magical night, it went really well! We only had a little over 4 weeks to prepare, and we were quite apprehensive right up until the last week, we were unsure how it would be perceived and who would turn up. We had only sold about 4 tickets up until the last week, which belonged to our mum’s which was embarrassing! (Laughs) But seriously, the event was a huge success, we reached all our goals. undoubtedly the highlights of the night was the performances by Gianne Abbott (So you think you can dance) Charice Bottcher and Mathew Mc Dowell, we wanted to incorporate I Live Here’s values into the night, so art and self expression was contributed by these incredible performers.

How did you find out about ILH?

I’ve always been involved in Humanitarian Aid charities, but was constantly disappointed by the lack of genuine aid they provided, I literally stumbled upon I Live Here online and was instantly drawn to its energy, I donated $25 on the spot. After over a year of volunteering to this day I can’t explain why I was so attracted to it, but everything ILH stands for I believe in, it’s so different; the fact its grassroots, and does the work that no other organisations even touches on, the massive heart that goes into its projects, its humble, raw, beautiful and genuine.

What drew you to becoming involved?

Something had to be done about these tragedies of the displaced that are occurring right before our eyes right now on every continent, and I Live Here was onto a good thing, they were bringing attention to this; although its merely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to these stories and there is so much more yet to be done, I liked their ideas, their passion, and the fact that they were “doing” not “wanting to do”. And most of all they were daring enough to carry out these projects even when others say it’s impossible, I fell in love with that boldness. Boldness creates change.

What could $300.00 do for the projects?

That’s an incredible amount to donate. Predominantly current donations go towards I Live Here’s art program and work in Malawi. But ILH has also has a few other projects in play at the moment, fore mostly the overhaul of Kachere Juvenile Prison in Malawi, that kind of donation could go to any aspect of maintaining aid, whether it be towards the teacher’s salary, stationary materials for the boys, health and sanitation, maintaining the permaculture garden etc ILH is also currently starting an online medium called the ILH America Project, where people can jump online and share their stories, it will be an incredible online community of support. Also ILH is now also building a site for Gay, Bi and Trans gendered Malawians to share their experiences, this in order to humanize their lives, in order to see much needed legal reform.

How have your own efforts been received by the founders?

I don’t really know, I‘ve never really talked about it with any of them! I’m sure they are extremely surprised by my involvement, I‘m sure it’s strange and exciting for them, some random person down under rallying for I Live Here. I mainly communicate with Erica Soloman the director of Education for I Live Here, she’s incredible. Always so supportive, grateful and excited about which directions I’m taking with my involvement, and always happy to hear how things are going and always there to help in any way possible. There’s a nice connection and trust with the ILH team I think, we all have a key purpose in common after all.

How would you describe the efforts of the organisation?

Good question. I Live Here’s efforts from my point of view of course, are definitely somewhat of love and pure compassion. They use the power of individual expression to transform the lives of people living in extreme poverty and isolation. Working with global partners the projects are based around art, permaculture and education, components not many organisations utilize to inspire the global community to create change and take action. Their efforts are pure, honest and bold, I really encourage more people to join and get involved, there are so many stories to be told.

What makes ILH different from other projects?

Predominantly I Live Here is grassroots, so it doesn’t have a lot of the resources and major marketing that larger organisations have; they rely exclusively on individual fundraising and awareness. And they are touching on issues that other organisations refuse or ignore, ultimately I Live Here’s unique and humble, and making incredible developments and change in communities.

Are there any more events in the works for the Australian Ambassadors?

My next independent goal is to raise mass awareness for I Live Here. I’m going to create something daring and outrageous. It’s basically “online art”, a form individual expression. I’m setting up a facebook group; as this has the potential to reach millions, it’ll be called “a picture tells a thousand stories; globally united for I Live Here”. It’ll be an online “medium” where individuals can add a photograph of themselves holding a card or piece of paper handwritten with “I Live Here” on it, and what country they are from. It’ll be a unified collection of photographs in support of I Live Here from around the world. These kind of ventures inspire people to get involved, they get people talking, all in the name of raising awareness. I hope it’ll be beautiful and inspiring to many. Watch this space.

Any other aspect of the foundation you would like to highlight?

I would just like to add, the founder and partners of I Live Here Mia Kirshner, Erica Soloman and Judy Battaligia don’t get enough recognition for their incredible passion and endless hours they put into the foundation and its projects. These guys are such strong, amazing, everyday individuals giving their valuable time to a bold cause to better humanity. They are inspirational and divine.

I encourage everyone to get involved with I Live Here and support them, join the cause on facebook, spread the word or donate.

Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something
http://www.i-live-here.com/

Well, Thank-you Mikarla for coming by and telling us about the efforts of the projects. What a great motto for all of us: “Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something.” Brilliant and inspiring words.

“I Live Here” have a fantastic website, http://www.i-live-here.com/

As well as twitter, facebook and a blog.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my story about this foundation.

As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, I’m not here to preach, nor get you to donate HOWEVER! If you have been moved by this post, please retweet to spread the word, click the links to find out more information, and I even have a little challenge- maybe blog about YOUR favourite charity or organisation.

Link back to this post and let’s spread the word about how EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS and how we can all get involved somehow or another.

Have a sunshiny day!!!

My writing room

2010-07-10T00:33:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite bloggers, Tara at the Bodacious Pen, did a post a couple of days ago about her writing room, graciously letting us into her life and her home (nice lass!)

Now this is something I have been chatting with my other Bestie, writer and blogger friend Amber at the Writing Ant, where do you write? We all have our place. Or places in my case. I write everywhere, but do have a few favourite spots.My writing zone tends to include either coffee or wine, chocolate, and my ipod. What do you HAVE TO HAVE to write? A special pen (aka Amber)? Music blaring or complete silence? What is your thing?

This isn't going to be a long post, (firstly my internet is sucky but I wanted to say 'hi' and secondly I'm hungry hehe) I just thought I'd follow Tara's lead and let you into my writing room, and please share your own! :)

Last night my writing room looked like this:

This morning it looked like this:

While writing my whole first draft longhand it looked like this:

Well, that's the chair I sat in anyway, it is directly behind the above photo.

And finally, my writing room at this very moment looks like this:

Yes it's a little dark now, so heading back into the very top room. Plus it's warm in there, and I have a couch for napping.

Thanks for coming over! Drop by anytime!

Where do you like to write?

The little things

2010-07-06T00:05:00.000-07:00

Life is made up of big things and little things. The little things tend to make my day. They make me appreciate everything I have to treasure; they make me smile just because they exist and me grateful because I exist too. The little things tend to occupy little space yet have the greatest value to me.

Today I'd like to talk about a couple of little things.

1. I'd like to thank Erica @ Chapter by Chapter for this little thing: the Butterfly award for the coolest blog I ever know (hehe the grammar makes me laugh) It is a pretty little two-dimensional square on my computer screen, but the meaning behind it is what made me joyful! Knowing that people find smiles from reading something I have written just warms me :)

2. A hug from my Mum, Dad or brothers- I am safe

3. My puppy dog diesel jumping up and snuggling into my side while I'm napping

4. The smell of a good coffee- especially when hand delivered to my bedside table by my hubby on a Sunday sleep-in

5. An email from a good friend or my beautiful cousins

6. A glass of water

7. A lingering kiss- one that's like a warm shiver

8. The joy of writing longhand- there is something about the urgency one has when seeing an idea spill forth from pen to paper, just the feel of a pen makes me want to write, like it’s an instrument begging to be used

9. Food. Cooking. Having both. Being blessed enough to live in a land where I have access to quality food and the utensils to make meals for my family from it

10. Playing my piano

11. Sunrise and sunset from my back deck

12. Reading a book that stirs emotion from deep inside, something that changes me

13. Beautiful music

14. Walking around my local markets hand-in-hand with the hubster

15. LOVE!

16. Blogging- you have enriched my life in a way I couldn't imagine. I have never before felt so surrounded by support and information, by inspiration, and by people who stand beside me and say 'Yes! It's okay to be different and we like you because you are! Yes, we know how you feel and will tell you that you are not alone! Yes! It's okay to follow a dream and we will cheer you on while you race to catch it!' Thank-you for being apart of the little things that make me smile.

I like to pass on the award to the following bloggers who brighten my day in their own little way (there are so many of you! and you know I love you!)

• Amber @ The Writing Ant

• Karen @ The English Writer

• Saumya @ Quarter life Crisis

• L'Aussie @ L'Aussie Writing

• Clara @ Pinches of Madness

What makes you smile?

A cause for celebration!!!

2010-06-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

What are we celebrating???

ME reaching 50 Followers and getting my second blogger award!

I AM SO EXCITED! I'm so very thankful for everyone who stops by and says hello, you honestly make my day!

I have to give a BIG shout-out to Jayne from a Novice Novelist for becoming my 50th follower! I just really thank-you all for thinking what I've got to say is somewhat interesting, for giving me your valuable time and opinions and putting a smile on my face!

The lovely blog award is just that- VERY LOVELY! It is see- look how pretty!

I'm going to pass this onto just three bloggers. Also, I want to give them to those I didn't give one to last time. (This is the part of awards I'm not quite fond of as I don't want to forget anyone whose blog I REALLY DO LIKE!!!!) Grrrrr honestly I want to give it to everyone!

I think everyone's blogs have their merits, they are ALL very unique and special, offering advice, information, INSPIRATION, support, ideas, lots of hearts and laughs, but mostly, every blogger is putting a piece of themselves on show, and that honesty and openness of a part of oneself is, in itself deserving of an award!

The part I do like is knowing I'm hopefully going to pass on a piece of my happiness with this award too :)

Vicki at Rambles and Randomness

Jackee at Winded Words

Lindsay (aka Isabella) at Adventures in Writing

Thank-you for all being such LOVELY BLOGGERS!

Also, as I mentioned a day or two ago, I will be doing a post for the 'I live here' projects; a grass-roots organisation that some very good friends of mine are involved in and I'd just like to shout-out about.

And just for something a little different, I thought I might post a little section from my work in progress, just for fun.

The working title is 'Finding Heaven' and my MC is having a bit of a moment during this piece. It doesn't really give much away, which is probably good for now. If you caught my last post, I'm hoping you will be able to see a link between the imagery and the words, which is where the head-space for this part of the novel is at. Anyways here goes...

I feel it deep inside, whenever I think of you. It starts as a dull ache in the middle of my chest. The very heart of me. My soul. A dull ache. It spreads down to the pit of my stomach, a throbbing, pulsing, living pain. It spreads up to my throat, choking my voice, into my mind bringing tightness into my skull. Not again. The vast emptiness engulfs me once more. I am consumed. Will time extinguish the fire in my heart? Or will I feel it always. The hate and devastation, the dirty guilt, and the undying question: why? It seeks me out, grips my heart in its fierce claws and squeezes until I fold and scream. Every breath is a retching sob, every moment lacks life, it is a deep void. I’m overwhelmed and alone.

Do you ever think of me? Do you ever wish you could hold me to your heart and tell me everything will be okay? Do thoughts of my face, my laugh, and my hands on your skin ever catch you off guard and consume you? Do you ever think of the life you left behind?

Why haven’t you found me yet? I’m here! I’m here! Please...

I have to forget you. I’m sorry. I need to start again. You’re haunting me. I can’t think of you anymore. Please stop it.

visual muse

2010-06-28T03:00:00.000-07:00

Taking a page out of Amber, The Writing Ant's blog once again, I am inspired by her "Brain Fodder" to present another post in what inspires me, and this time I have take visual cues from weheartit.com

If you have not checked this site out- please do so! All of the following pctures are from this site and evoke a feeling in me about my work in progress.

All images from weheartit.com

Thanks to my wonderful CP for again, waking me up.

Which comes first? The Book or the Movie?

2010-06-27T14:44:00.000-07:00

Now in theory this might sound like a silly question, but I’m actually referring to personal preference. While reading a post about the book “Whip it” written by Shauna Cross at the Lady Critic’s blog, I noticed toward the end of the post, -K recommended seeing the movie before reading the book. I’m not sure whether this is ALWAYS her personal preference (I may have to enquire), to see the movie then read the book, but it got me thinking about my personal preference.

It occurred to me some time ago that I prefer to watch the movie then read the book.

I believe this is due to the fact that more often than not, the book far outranks the movie and if I see the movie second I am thoroughly disappointed. I’m usually left feeling as though this piece of literary genius that I love so much has been poorly represented.

One example of this is “Little Women” by Louisa May Alcott. I was three-quarters through the book and saw the 1994 film-adaptation with Claire Danes, Kirsten Dunst and Winona Ryder (among others) while shopping and thought ‘Oooo! This should be good!’ NO! This is not a review of the movie, so I’m not going to go into it, though I’ll just say it fell short of the mark for me and actually turned me off reading the rest of the novel. I don’t know why, it just did. I’ll have to finish it one of these days...

Another example of the book out-weighing the movie is Twilight. Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the movie, but I saw the movie first and THEN read the book and fell even MORE in love with the books.

It was soon after the Twilight experience, and several others, that I vowed to always watch the movie then read the book. It’s my way. I feel if I like the movie I will love the book even more. As if the book is an extension or encore. The bonus round. Or more accurately- the full story.

I have found this 99% effective. The one percent would be in the case of “Bridget Jones Diary”. The movie would have to be in my top five of all time, whereas the book... just didn’t do it for me.

SO! For you, what comes first? The Book or the Movie?

Why do you feel this way? Favourite book/movie combo?

As always, thanks for stopping by and I love hearing your thoughts :)

By the way, look out for a post I will be doing in a few days time about the "I live here" projects- a non-profit organisation working at a grass-roots level to make the world a better place. Don't worry, no donating necessary, just wanting to share a nice story. Hope you drop by!

A view to inspire

2010-06-18T22:32:00.000-07:00

My critique partner and absolute BESTIE, Amber over at The Writing Ant has some amazing pictures on her blog of things that are inspiring her throughout her current WIP.

The photographs are mostly ones she has found online, with a few spur-of-the-moment images thrown in, that reflect something in her writing, or that she can look at from time to time to better picture whats happening at a certain point. I think she says it better than me... I may have to check with her...

Anyway!

I LOVE this idea! Kind of like having your own novel photo album.

We also both have "Soundtracks" for our WIP's. Songs that really express a certain character, moment, scene, feeling, or (fill in the blank). Songs that take you to a place in your heart where creativity is kept and can sometimes be unlocked with these melodies.

Do you have a soundtrack?

I haven't checked out many images online yet, but today I went on a little jaunt down to the Gold Coast (about 30 mins from where I live) to several locations where some of my scenes are set (or places that have inspired settings is more accurate) and took a couple of happy snaps that I hope I will be able to look back on and find inspiration in those dark hours when words evade me.

Also note my WIP is not about beaches or the sun, or a perky fantasy land, but these pics are just to help my muse come out to play. Sometimes. Other times I just think it's nice to look at pretty pictures.

What inspires you?

The words in a BLURB...

2010-06-18T04:24:00.000-07:00

How much does reading the blurb affect your book choice?

This question came up in a round-about way while I was writing the 'What I thought of...' post for Fleur McDonald's novel 'Red Dust'. In the post I confessed I hadn't been sticking to any genre lately, in fact I hadn't even been reading blurbs, rather just going with recommendations from other blogger's and author's.

The not-reading of blurbs has been rather liberating. In a way I feel a blurb can sometimes defeat its purpose of hooking me in and instead totally put me off reading a book. The number of times I have put a book back because of the blurb is uncountable. I understand the point is to give us a little glimmer so we can decide in less than 20-seconds of skimming if this book may be the next one to blow our minds.

Haven't you been told to read a book, read the blurb and thought 'Really? This one?' and on the premise of 'Well fine, you're my friend and if you say it's awesome...' you read it, only to actually be thrown for a total loop when it's 20 pages in and you seriously ~~stalk the author~~ will not sleep until you have finished this absolute bloody masterpiece?

By the same token, have you read a blurb that sucked you in to discover that it is actually one of the worst pieces of written word you have ever had the bad luck of laying your violated eyes on?

To test this out, I thought I would pick three very random books off my shelf, quote part or all of the blurb (depending on length of course- we are all busy people and my home-made mozzarella and basil pizza is nearly ready!) and work out what part the blurb played in my book-buying decision making.

Okay!
First up we have: 'A kiss of shadows' - Laurell K Hamilton
Meet Meredith Gentry. Exotic, decadent, deadly. Private Investigator, princess-in-hiding. Half human, half faerie.... three years in hiding and it looks like Merry Gentry's secret is out. Can she keep her real identity hidden to live the life she wants to lead? To live full stop?
Hmm, yeah... sounds alright. A little intriguing, there are some faerie's to contend with (a genre I had NEVER read before), and hey it's on special! (Sorry about the buying-while-cheap-as-chips thing but I've found some of my favourite authors [exhibit A] from being adventurous with books on special).
Little did I know about the world of FAERIE PORN. Yes you heard right! It is a term I like to apply to the Merry Gentry series. Faerie. Porn. Oh my GOD! I was consumed by the intense sexual and dangerous liaisons of Merry and her horny magical little ways: bright white light shimmering beneath skin from magical sexual encounters, and knife wielding faerie-guards! WOW! I did NOT get that from the BLURB! This series was a fantastic discovery- I have never read another one of her blurbs but I'm in the middle of the third book! Although to answer the question, I guess that I would say YES, the blurb did help persuade me to buy the book. Otherwise I just look cheap.

Second: 'Three Wishes' - Liane Moriarty
It happens sometimes that you accidentally star in a little public performance, your very own comedy, tragedy or melodrama. So who started it this time? Was it Cat: full of angry hurt passion dating back to the 'night of the spaghetti'? Was it Lyn: serenely successful, at least on the outside? Or was it Gemma: quirky, dreamy and unable to keep a secret, except for the most important one of all? Whoever the culprit, their lives will have all changed dramatically before the next inevitable clash of shared genes and shared childhoods...
What does this blurb tell you? Not much. I bought the book purely because I had read Liane Moriarty's third novel 'What Alice Forgot' which was fantastic, so I decided to read 'Three Wishes' purely because I liked her work. The blurb didn't really pique my interest. What's it saying? Does it tell you that the book is written with humour? With tangible emotion? Twists that I honestly did NOT see coming? I haven't mentioned the story or genre but you know what? NEITHER did the BLURB- and the book was still amazing!

Third: 'Twilight' - Stephanie Meyer
Bella Swan's move to Forks, a small, perpetually rainy town in Washington, could have been the most boring move she ever made. But once she meets the mysterious and alluring Edward Cullen, Bella's life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. Up until now, Edward has managed to keep his vampire identity a secret in the small community he lives in, but now nobody is safe, especially Bella, the person Edward holds most dear.
Deeply romantic and extraordinarily suspenseful, Twilight captures the struggle between defying our instincts and satisfying our desires. This is a love story with bite.
Almost five years ago, I was coming home from visiting my cousin's in Sydney ( I live near Brisbane) when one cousin shoved 'Twilight' in my hands as I was getting in the car and with wide eyes said 'Read it!' She and I had always shared a love of books so I took it without question. On the drive to the airport I flipped to the blurb. Vampires? I looked up in confusion and said again to myself: 'Vampires???' At that time, that word was all I read. No I don't read about vampires, I thought. Well needless to say I was heinously wrong! And so were a million other people who saw the word vampires and turned away. Vampires can be intriguing, sure, but it's the story underneath the vampires that holds me to this day.

I will admit my not reading this for 3 years had more to do with my ignorant idea of the genre that the word 'vampire' implied than the actual blurb itself... so maybe this one is the product of my own ignorant predispositions than any error with the actual blurb....

Do your predispositions ruin a perfectly good blurb?

After all that, I still have not formed a strong opinion. I'm leaning toward word of mouth being one of my strongest deciding factors, while blurbs are more of a chance encounter in a bookstore when I don't know what I want but have to buy something (apparently cheap) kind-of-thing.

So what do you think? That is, if you managed to get through this humongous post (thanks for sticking to the end by the way). To blurb or not to blurb? What makes you cross the line from browse to buy?

My FIRST ever blog award!

2010-06-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

Wow! I can't believe I got a blog award! The Versatile blogger! I'm stoked! I don't really know what to say actually, which is really weird for me!

Thanks to everyone who drops by to say hello and a massive thanks to k at The Lady Critic's Library for passing this award onto me!

Lady Critic made a note at the end of her post about the award that these are kind of like Chain letters, and I tend to agree with one difference. Actually probably more than one, but we’ll start there. Blogger awards widen our blogging community. I have found the writing blogging community to be an absolute FOUNTAIN of help, support and knowledge along this writing journey, and I couldn’t imagine not being a part of this world- I love it and it is the OTHER BLOGGERS who provide amazing content and all those BLOGGER FRIENDS who comment and make me feel like they really are on the same path and TOTALLY GET ME that makes this world so utterly lovable!

Okay so there were a couple of rules:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you this award: check!

2. Share seven things about yourself: see below and check!

3. Pass this award along to fifteen bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic for whatever reason! (In no particular order…) I totally agree with –K @ Lady Critic - there are too many, I know I would forget some so I’m going with six fantastic blogs! (I have no idea why six.... maybe I like that it's an even number)
4. Contact the bloggers you’ve picked and let them know about the award: that’s going to be done as soon as I post this- check!

Seven things about me:

1. I make a mean ham hock and split pea soup. No seriously- it’s awesome.

2. Like the lady critic, my blogging is like something that’s just for me, not many friends know about it, it’s like a private world. I know you guys can see it, but that’s different, you, my darling blogger friends are what make that world special and awesome!

3. I have four tattoos: a southern cross on my lower back (which will one day be covered up by a gorgeous lotus flower, as the cross is faded and small and every second aussie has one), a lion from my family crest on my hip, angelic symbols down the back of my left calf meaning: balance, creativity, joy, truth & serenity, and husband’s name in Hebrew script on the back of my neck. and i plan to add more :)

4. There is a mouse in my house that I can’t catch and every time friends come round and pray to the high heavens that damn mouse stays put. So far so good... (I also pray that it is just one mouse)

5. I will drool over a GOOD soy caramel latte. Mmmmm soy caramel latte... garble garble garble...

6. My little Jack Russell puppy dog Diesel runs like a rabbit. It’s more like hopping than running, like a little deer with floppy ears and a bright pink tongue hanging from his mouth. It’s true. I may have to upload video evidence.

7. I love red wine. Oh yes. In very, very big balloon shaped glasses.

Okay! I spent AGES picking these blogs. There are so many blogs that I check every day or every time I am on (whether I comment or just lurk and chuckle), I opened up about 30 favourites before realising if I didn’t majorly cut down I would definitely forget someone! At least this way I KNOW there are heaps of blogs I love that I didn’t list below. A lot of my blogger friends are all friends too so I hoping that it will get passed around to the other blogs I love that way. My 6 fantastic bloggers are:

Amber @ The Writing Ant
Kelly @ Kelly’s Korner
Tara @ The Bodacious Pen
Talli @ Talli Roland
Karen @ The English Writer
Creepy @ Creepy Query Girl

Thanks to everyone who drops by, thanks again to Lady Critic for giving me my FIRST EVER AWARD (hehe! *smiles*) and thanks to the 6 bloggers who brighten my day every time I drop by!

'Red Dust' by Fleur McDonald

2010-06-12T05:58:00.000-07:00

It seems I have a habit lately of picking books that I haven't read the blurb of. I'm finding other Aussie Author blogs, following their twitters and then reading their books or books they recommend without stopping to ask what the books are about.

The result of such random reading behaviour is that I'm exposing myself to a tonne of Aussie literature, I'm reading genres that I don't usually put on my 'to read' list and totally ignoring blurbs - which I think may actually hinder me from widening my reading scope.

I'm actually able to express thank-you's to the authors and I'm also able to share these experiences with my wonderful world of blogger friends.

The best thing I have found? Books that I never thought I would read with content that blows me away.

Fleur McDonald, is the Australian Author of 'Red Dust' and now 'Blue Skies', twitter buddy, blogger, mother and farmer :)

*Quick side note- I am talking about Aussie Authors a bit, not because I have any disparaging thoughts towards any non-aussie literature, but perhaps the opposite- I have spent years reading literature that was born in different times in history, and in lands far far away, and it dawned on me as an Australian trying to emerge in the wide writing world, perhaps I should spend some time in my own backyard, and I'm loving how green the grass is here :)

A little while ago, I never would have thought to read a book set in the outback about cattle and sheep. God, just saying those words feels like a disrespect to the author who will cringe if she reads them. Because it is so, so, SO much more.

'Red Dust' is so many things. Its love. Loss. Mystery. Intrigue. Friendship. Honor. Betrayal. It's an honest to God woman working her arse off in a majorly male dominated world, getting slapped down over and over, betrayed and beaten and she just gets up, brushes herself off, wipes away a tear and cracks a Rum. Also confronted by a barrage of inner conflict, which she faces while herding cattle with dirt on her face. Part of the reason I feel so much for this woman is because she is in that world.

Despite the fact the novel is clearly centered around one woman, we still catch glimpses of the bigger picture. The skill of dramatic irony is one I am no where near mastering, or using to any great effect actually, yet all throughout 'Red Dust', Fleur McDonald has been able to wave a little wand and instantly we feel a little more in the know, we can see something peeking over the horizon and we catch our breath fearing the collision.

You know what is the kicker? The BIGGEST irony was that I, the reader was WRONG anyway! Anything I thought I knew was swiftly kicked to the curb. To pull the wool over the characters eyes can be hard enough, but to dupe the reader as well is a credit to the author and a pleasure for the reader.

In truth it was nice being played.

McDonald is able to fuse the narration and dialogue with essential running the farm info (like cattle types, markings etc) without weighing the passages down, rather serving to give us a greater picture without stopping the flow. I smiled at dialogue peppered with Aussie slang, but was glad for the mainstream Australian English.

There are moments of darkness, and shady antagonists that make your lips curl, mixed with an aussie feel so real its tangible and scenery descriptions that are clear and beautiful.

Fleur McDonald has carefully woven clever plot, real characters, and a taunting mystery, with a little falling in love. And I did.

'Beautiful Malice' by Rebecca James

2010-06-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

Wow.

I don't know what I was expecting but... wow.

I've never reviewed a book outside of high-school, but this isn't really a review. When I read something that... gets to me, I like to share it.

I began following Australian author Rebbecca James through her blog and twitter not long before 'Beautiful Malice' was launched and promptly picked myself up a copy to add to the forever growing 'to read' pile.

The book has been plugged widely as a Young Adult and although I haven't read a lot of YA before, my interest has increased dramatically by the enthusiasm of so many talented and quirky YA writers in the blogosphere, and I was excited to dive into this.

There is a fantastic balance of mystery, fear, young love, precarious friendships, grief, family, and self-discovery, all set throughout iconic Australian suburbs and cities. There is enough familiarity through setting and speech for an Aussie to feel at home, without any overwhelming 'australianism' references that would make internationals feel lost.

Current issues facing teens are raised as a quiet undercurrent. Nothing in-your-face or preachy, so the messages come across as more of an awareness. I don't even know if the awareness was intentional or just something I saw in it...

I spent chapters and chapters of the book in anticipation, knowing some kind of horror was on it's way but I had no idea when it would hit or how. The rest I spent with my hand over my mouth, wide-eyed at what would come next.

Rebecca James touches on sensitive and disturbing topics with honesty, and feeling. James weaves the story together in such a way that everything becomes clear in its own perfect time, without unnecessary vulgarity.

An intriguing and heartbreaking read, I loved every word! Congrats and thanks to Rebecca James!

the BIG question... what's your book about???

2010-06-03T00:03:00.000-07:00

So here's how it goes...

Person who just found out I'm writing... something...: so, ali, i hear you're writing a book

Me: um... well... yeah, it's early days yet... work in progress...

Person: aw yeah, nice nice. so what's it about?

Instant sweat patches. For some reason I freeze. What's it about? WHAT'S IT ABOUT???

Me: Um... a girl.

Person stares at me in expectation. And suspicion that in fact I cannot write and may be delusional.

I stutter and mumble something incoherent while blushing and looking anywhere but at said person.

Person: Well! That's... great. (pause) Good luck with that!

Person darts off and I want to scream 'Gah! I'm working on it! Leave me alone! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEAVE ME ALONE!' or some such freak-out-esq business.

WHY do I react like this? WHY do I blush, and sweat and swallow my tongue? Why can't I just say something that implies that maybe I can write? And not just putting word after meaningless word on paper, but that it is a story. With characters, and a plot and.... Why?

Well fear is an obvious one. Fear that the story will sound stupid. Or boring. Or both. Or that I'll sound like a moron (which it seems I'm doing rather successfully either way...)

Lord help me if I ever try to approach the disgustingly daunting task of PITCHING my wip - which is a story about a girl apparently so perhaps a pitch will be easy.

Why can't i just say something along the lines of:

"it's a young woman's journey dealing with the loss of her partner, and understanding other people's pain which helps her to move on from her own"

sure maybe it's not great but it beats "um... a girl?" (and yes sometimes my response comes out as a question. like I'm asking them what the story line is)

Please someone out there tell me a little part of their brain screams everytime someone utters the phrase: "so whats it about?"

THE HALT

2010-05-31T14:17:00.001-07:00

a couple of musings before i ship myself off to another glorious day chained to my beige-pink cubicle. sounds like a public toilet doesn't it? well not that bad. i least won't catch anything from where i sit.

firstly, the halt. the halt. after a fantastic weekend spewing out another 3000+ words (which is awesome for me) i woke up yesterday morning (monday) and have not touched the pen. nor have i touched the computer. until now. or made any notes. very sad. again i have found a scene severly lacking. im not sure whether to skip over it, jump into the next scene (which i can see pretty clearly in my mind) and come back later or work out what it is i don't like about the scene and fix it...

Any thoughts? What do you do to push through THE HALT? (if you have never heard of THE HALT before, fear not- the halt is just what i call it. also known to me as the LULL) What do you call THE HALT?

also, i have a question or though running around in my brain. occasionally it lets me reach out and my fingers just sweep past its skin before it dives back into the blackness with everything else. i'm bummed because i know it's something i wanted to share...
don't you just HATE that?

well i have about two minutes before i take off, so i will just ask this instead:
What is your FAVORITE thing about writing? Or indeed any art you immerse yourself in? What lifts YOU up out of the blackness?

Page a day update...

2010-05-28T04:53:00.000-07:00

Very very quick post about the page a day challenge...

I haven't written for about two days (wince- so sorry swimmer!) BUT I have just finished a couple of hours of writing and clocked up almost 2000 words! Not bad!

Looking forward to a very delicious sleep and then a delightful Saturday of coffee and WRITING!

Hopefully I'll check back in tomorrow.

What am I saying "Hopefully", of COURSE I'll be back! :)

Check in on all the other challenge contenders: http://lovingbooksandmore.blogspot.com/2010/05/page-day-writing-challenge-list-of.html

BORING!

2010-05-28T01:12:00.000-07:00

ohmygodbloggerimissedyousomuchtoday!
I banned myself ALL DAY! it was like TORTURE! i sit in front of a computer all day (as a lot of us do) and my hand was just ITCHING to open up blogger! I've fallen ridiculously in love. Which may sound a little sad or over-dramatic, but not when you hear what i do in front of a computer all day:

accounts.

The land of zero imagination unless you are referring to the creation of a new spreadsheet or a report that combines more than two reports into one. which is indeed an exciting day.

That day was not today.

Today i seriously nearly cried from boredom. oh i had plenty of work to do, (and don't get me wrong- the company is excellent to work for) but UGH, BORING!

I will never write about anyone in accounts. The ONLY reason for doing so would be if I was writing a book for INSOMNIACS, which, I tell you with certainty, would be a HIT! People would be sleeping all over the place!

On that note, I just wanted to say thanks to the blogosphere for keeping me sane, to the bloggers for inspiring me, and for the glorious absence of numbers. YAY!

highly emotional

2010-05-24T04:16:00.000-07:00

tonight i wrote a massive scene in my WIP. not massive as in size- it's only a couple of pages long, but its very important scene and is very high in emotion.

I'm exhausted!

does anyone else get really "heavy" after writing something that you feel you've had to feel? like experience it is you are writing it?

OR!

am i doing something wrong? should I be more separated from the scene I am writing? am i getting too involved?

as you can tell, I've lost all sense of articulation right now, but any comments would be appreciated.

getting feedback

2010-05-22T19:02:00.000-07:00

This week, for the first time ever, I had three friends read the first few chapters of my second draft.

Oh the anxiety. Oh the sweaty armpits. The beating heart and dry mouth as I waited, trying to distract myself with work, as they read.

They were fabulous.

The comments were constructive, they picked up on grammer issues- thankfully! - and were able to to identify when they heard me talking instead of the character. I blushed knowingly when a scene I wasn't quite sure about turned out to... well yeah- not work. AND they were able to tell me what they saw happening, or what behaviour didn't fit in with who the characters seemed to be. I took the advice in and you know what- THEY WERE RIGHT! A scene that "kind-of" worked just needed a character replacement to now it "actually" works.

Fabulous!

I thanked them profusely and they all can't wait to read what happens next?

I'm still scared of course, freaking out that they will hate it and my writing is complete crap, but I know it must be done, and I'm thankful that the ones I have shown it to are able to be honest and constructive. And I'm also glad I am able to take in what they are saying to me, consider the possibilties and go "WOW! You are RIGHT!"

I'd like to know: How did you feel the first time someone read your work? Who do you give your work to? Do you make many changes because of what people say?

a little ashamed to admit...

2010-05-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

i like to write.

that's where this all started.

i like to write.
i enjoy writing. i like to make myself remember a feeling and hopefully help people to feel a feeling, or experience something they may not otherwise experience, or perhaps remember feeling or experiencing the 'exact same thing'.

no this is not the shame. this is what i LOVE about writing.

what I'm sad to admit is that i don't really know where my writing fits. I'm pretty new, i mean i have always loved to read, as a young person i read constantly! and wrote a lot of short stories and poems in high school. after high school (and losing my first love) i abandoned reading and writing in favour of moving out, drinking, drugs and promiscuity. As I think a lot of us do at some point. (no? just me?)

starting a life together with a wonderful man i now call my husband has grounded me, and reminded me of what i have been through, what i have lost and what i have gained as a person, and wanting to channel that into something creative, something i can share.

i don't know how to describe why I'm unsure, and i don't know who to ask 'where does this fit' without sounding like an idiot.

i have a general idea: somewhere between YA and women's contemporary "chick lit" (sorry to all those who can't stand this genre, but i like it, think marian keyes, liane moriarty, cecelia ahern). i say in between because a lot of WC is about women in their thirties-forties (not that this is bad, but I'm not there yet, so couldn't write about it without sounding presumptuous), married, kids etc, where as i like to write about the experiences of the twenties. at this point you are the person you are because of what happened in your teens. its less of an "in-between" place than your teens, but still so so SO much confusion and naivety.

what makes a book YA? what makes it Adult? where is the line? what is totally NO-NO! for writing YA/Adult?

i know i should know where i stand... so I'm ashamed to admit that i don't.

page a day update...

2010-05-18T14:37:00.001-07:00

day: 13 million
words: negative 1500
outlook: lacking in optimism

its true. I've been avoiding you all because I CAN'T WRITE!!!!!! i'm surprised there isn't a picture of me circulating the internet with the words "EPIC FAIL" underneath it. is there?
i want to cry!

i thought it's okay, you'll pull yourself together, write thousands of words and then you can blog about how you caught up. but no. alas this has not happened.

i went back over my work, rewrote some, edited, came out liking what i had written (which is actually a plus) but lost about 1500 words in the process. i know i know- i obviously didn't need those extra words and the writing is better for it. HOWEVER the challenge isn't: go back and edit stuff already written. it's WRITE A PAGE A DAY!!!! a page of anything, any size, anywhere- oh so can this count? no i know- thats cheating.

no it's okay, it's okay. i'll be back.

it's been so long!

2010-05-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

oh my how bad i have been! It must be day... eight! here in OZ. I think the post will still say the date as the 12th but it is in fact the 13th. My stupid computer never knows what day it is! Anyway! it is clear I haven't posted since day 1, but I HAVE been writing. I haven't really been counting the pages, but the little WIP word counter has climbed from 3450 words to 8806 so something must be going okay! or was...
I have just been typing and typing, and then i have hit that little snag where you KNOW the writing has become boring. You KNOW its dull, and you also KNOW you have to push through.

so instead you stop and blog.

very good grasshopper.

Page a day... Day 1

2010-05-06T12:53:00.001-07:00

Okay it's onto day 2 here is Oz so I'm reflecting back and I must say to start with this felt like trying to squeeze juice from a potato. With bare hands. While riding a tricycle. Naked.

So I exaggerate. But definately a little daunting. I'm going through a rough patch with my WIP, and I think at first that fact that I HAD to write a page made me afraid of writing the page.

A little background on me- I'm obviously new to blogging, having only been on here about a week or so, but I'm also a newbie to writing in a way. I have always loved to read and write (I wrote plenty of poetry and short stories in high school), however after school (age:17) I kind of lost myself (as we all do at some point) and the reading and writing went with it. It has only been in the last year that I have started to pick it up again. (I'm 25 now) Started around the same time I started reading again. Now I must have a book with me everywhere I go! A notebook too.

I began a creative writing course to kick things off, then in December I decided to start "writing a book". No idea where this notion came from that I could do this. I just starting putting down story ideas then one day started the story. All pen to paper. Not in the computer- the whole thing is hand written. 300 pages of A4 hand written story. I finished this hand written draft in a month. No idea how many words. Then I put the story down and have barely looked at it since. I started "translating" it from the paper to the computer but have been procrastinating. It is only a basic idea at the moment, and I was told that you shouldn't go back and edit as you go- just keep writing (Thoughts?) as a result, there is a lot a crap writing and I also changed viewpoint halfway through, as I felt it wasn't working, so the whole first half is in the wrong bloody viewpoint.

The good news is that the story is changing and evolving as I translate. Characters, places, dialogue, entire scenes are being cut, shifted, re-written naturally as I go. I needed some motivation. Which is how I came to blog and find you wonderful people out there and I can honestly say I've never felt more "on the right track" than I do now.

Still daunted, unsure, but on the right track.

Onward with day 2...

I heart Stephen King

2010-05-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

I am in the middle of reading Stephen King's 'On Writing: A memoir of the Craft' and for any novice writer or even a fan of a good read this book is highly recommended. I am loving it so much, I have physically had to put the book down and come to tell you all about it.

The first moment I wanted to share was on reading the following paragraph:

Put your desk in the corner, and every time you sit there to write, remind yourself why it isn't in the middle of the room. Life isn't a support-system for art. It's the other way around.

I smiled the moment I read that. To me it is a reminder that without those we love around us, supporting us, living our lives with us, we lose that essential part of us that puts feeling into what we write, the heart of our craft that makes what we write something that people want to read.

What does this quote mean to you?

Next he starts to explain the concept of writers as telepathic, I'm not very far into this chapter but I'm delighted by the prose.

It always amazes me when you read something at a certain point in your life, a certain point in time and it seems that destiny knew all along that you would be reading this at this moment. You shiver and smile at the grand design.

For me, one thing I am learning is to come out of my comfort zone (the fact that for the most part i write under a "pen name" is me hiding in my metaphorical closet). I need to open my heart and mind, and own my thoughts and my writing and who I am. Write with freedom and truth.

Baby steps... baby steps

I can't wait to see how this story ends!

Swimmers newest challenge....

2010-05-04T03:02:00.000-07:00

Okay so after deciding to pledge myself to one writing challenge, I happened to stumble upon Swimmer's "Page a day- a writing challenge" which, as the name suggest entails writing a page a day, for 56 days, and promptly signed myself for that too!

http://lovingbooksandmore.blogspot.com/

Now as it is, I already write almost every day, and this is due to a wonderful read-
"The artist's way" by Julia Cameron. It is a 12 week program for artists of all forms but perhaps even more so for a writer as a big part of the program is writing! Now I must admit I haven't actually read the whole thing nor completed (read: started) the program BUT! I have read the introduction which outlines the task of writing 3 pages a day, every single morning upon waking. WITH. OUT. FAIL. Needless to say if I had started the program I would have massively failed. My friend who suggested the book also suggested using a A5 notebook as A4 could just be a little testing for anybody. So I write my 3 pages of A5 scribble a day (most days) much like a journal entry, or a blog to myself! However I am optimistic about this new writing challenge- more targeted perhaps.

Now I am unsure if I need to clarify the rules... Do I write as a part of my current novel? Ideas for a future novel? Whatever comes into my head?

Perhaps I overthink this? No that can't be right...

Anyway! Has anyone else read "The artist's way" or attempted the program?

THE PLEDGE! a writing challenge

2010-05-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

Hello All! Very excited to have stumbled upon a pledge started by another aspiring writer Liz H. Allen, and I am inspired to join....

I, miss ali, take The Aspiring Writers Pledge to write a book in 2010 with the intent of publishing. I promise to update my progress weekly, ask when I need support and encourage others to complete the task at hand.

The fact is I have written a first draft, filed it away for 3 months and am now slowly starting the edit and re-write. Oh some of the dribble I have stumbled across is horrifying!

Nevertheless I shall push on!

Cheers to all aspiring writers out there! May we prosper in 2010!

http://www.writingmommy.com/2010/02/aspiring-writers-pledge.html

a nice picture

2010-04-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

the view from mount tamborine, taken on my first wedding anniversary with my hubby in oct 2008, just thought it was nice.

first blog ever...

2010-04-28T13:56:00.000-07:00

Well hello!

Okay I'm so new at this it's ridiculous. As I'm not quite sure where to start, I might just pay a little homage to my Nana who passed on a year ago today- Love you forever Nana RIP.

She was one of those Nana's who always had a batch of fresh scones in the oven for your arrival, gave warm cuddles, taught you how to knit (until you reach puberty anyway) and called you things like "poppet". She is missed always and never forgotten in the hearts of all who knew her.

Well that might just do me now!

Love miss ali